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How Long Should I Wait To Text Him Back? If You Just Started Dating, Here's How Long

When you first start dating someone new, figuring out texting etiquette can be a bit tricky. We've all experienced that anxious feeling after waiting for what seems like an eternity for them to text you back, and then, when they finally do, we've all asked ourselves, "How long should I wait to text him?"

To be honest, I'm not sure that there is any one right answer to this question. Mostly because the truth of the matter is, plotting how long you're going to wait to respond to a text message instead of just naturally responding as your schedule permits is a form of playing games. It's important to note that playing games is a form of manipulation, and before you engage in it, you should ask yourself what exactly you're expecting to achieve by doing this.

Ultimately, in the larger scheme of things, how long you wait or don't wait to respond to a text message is most likely not going to make a person with genuine interest in you like or dislike you more. The guys who typically respond positively to games are more often than not the guys who are in it for the chase, also known as players. Unfortunately, guys who fall into this category are usually showing interest for the wrong reasons.

Although players may seem to be responding "well" (i.e., they are eager to meet up, they're double texting you, and they overall seem super interested in you) to ignored texts and long reply times, these kinds of games only work for a little while. At some point, one of you is bound to lose interest, purely because relationships built on pretending not to care or trying to seem unavailable rarely make it past a certain point.

That being said, if you decide to go down this road to make yourself seem a bit less available than you actually are, there are some things you should take into consideration.

If you're dating someone new and worried that responding to their text too soon might make you seem too available, first ask yourself, what kind of texter are they? How do they respond when you text them first? Are there a couple minutes in between each of their texts? Are there a couple minutes separating their texts in the beginning of the convo that turn into larger, 20-minute gaps? Do they like to text first, then wait ages to respond to you, if they do at all? Or do they take half a day to a full 24 hours to respond to every single text, making any sort of back-and-forth rhythm impossible?

The safest course of action is to reflect your partner's own texting habits right back at them. This is a pretty foolproof way of meeting them at the same interest level, while also ensuring that you're not being too aloof.

Like I mentioned earlier, the main reason people spend time contemplating how long they should wait to reply to a text is because they want to seem less available and interested than they actually are. Another way to achieve this is to simply be less available. Devote more of yourself to things and add some new activities to your schedule.

Before you roll your eyes, hear me out. How long you take to respond to a text message is extremely arbitrary, and depending on the dating history of the person you're seeing, they are probably going to equate your behavior to the behavior of interested and uninterested romantic partners from their past. By being arbitrarily aloof in the hopes that it's just aloof enough to be read as the right amount of interested and uninterested, you run the risk of convincing people with genuine interest in you that you aren't interested in them, leaving open a window for someone else to swoop in and catch their eye. If, however, you go out of your way to comfortably fill your schedule, you are accomplishing so many more productive things and this will actually affect your ability to respond.

Been wanting to get in shape? Perfect, then it's time to start hitting the gym or enroll in a fitness class. And guess what? That's right, you'll be away from your phone for a bit. Planning to hang out with your bestie? Awesome! How about turning off your phone so you can really enjoy their company without distractions? Instead of checking your phone compulsively in class or while at work, put it on silent and check it during your break.

The next time you meet up with them, not only will they be totally impressed with how multi-faceted you are, but you'll actually have transformed yourself into the person that you otherwise were putting effort into seeming more like — someone who's got too much going on to let someone they're dating consume them.

Or, better yet, you could DGAF about the whole situation and respond to his text whenever you want, despite how it might come off. Anyone who's worth their salt will be super pumped to hear from you exactly when they hear from you.

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