Dating
When a guy texts you with 'how was your day,' he can't get you off his mind.

10 Telltale Signs That Someone Is Totally Smitten With You

They just can’t get enough 🥰

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Originally Published: 
Boris Javanovic

It’s a commonly held belief that the old-fashioned way is the best way when it comes to romance. (Picture this: people used to actually call each other to set up a first date.) But with the world of dating at your fingertips these days, it’s easy to find yourself stumbling through the endless pool of candidates on apps like Tinder and Bumble. The problem is that it’s rare to make a meaningful connection through a phone screen, and when you do, it’s not always clear whether the other person is authentic and sincere in their romantic intentions. According to a 2019 YouGov survey, 30% of people admit to having ghosted a romantic partner in the past. It’s brutal out here.

The good news is that when you meet someone you click with, all of that drama fades away, and you're left with the basics — behaviors that have reigned true regardless of time and technology. Certain things are simply human nature, and there are a few innate ways of acting that people can’t help but adopt when they’re enamored with someone. When a guy asks how you are doing randomly during the day or a girl remembers some specific thing you said a while ago, it can reveal that they are genuinely interested in you. They’re putting in the effort to connect on a deeper level.

To help you differentiate between what's real and what's not, here’s a list of 10 expert-backed telltale signs that someone is into you.

1. They Maintain Regular Contact With You

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When someone is into you, they will actively keep in contact with you as much as possible, according to Stefanie Safran, a dating expert and matchmaker at Stef and the City. This doesn’t mean they call you every waking moment of the day, but they definitely don’t disappear from your radar for days at a time.

“I would definitely say to people who are interested in someone, especially in this day and age, it's not so hard to check in on somebody via text or whatever,” Safran says. “Somebody who is trying to connect with you very regularly is clearly interested in you.”

It’s not just good morning and goodnight texts that matter, either. If a girl or guy texts you, “How was your day?”randomly and are quick to respond to your mid-day messages, that’s a great sign, too. “If they make themselves available all day every day, then they're opening the door for you,” Traci Brown, body language expert and author of Persuasion Point, previously told Elite Daily.

2. They Ask About Your Day

When a guy or girl is into you, they’ll want to know what's going on in your life. They will listen with genuine intrigue because they'll find every aspect of you fascinating and want to be kept in the loop.

“If they are interested in you, they’ll be curious about you because they’re trying to figure you out,” Safran said. “If they ask about your day, they want to get more of a feel for what's going on in your life.”

When a girl or guy keeps asking what you are doing and keeps up with the small things in your life, such as remembering when you have a big work deadline coming up or wishing you luck on an interview without you having to ask, it’s a sign that they want to be involved with you on a deeper level, according to Patti Wood, a body language expert and the author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma.

“You might not realize it, but filling you in on even the mundane things — that’s significant,” Wood previously told Elite Daily. “Openly sharing information with you — without you even asking for it — there’s so much intimacy in that.”

3. They Take An Interest In Your Interests

Not everyone is going to share all of your interests, even if it’s someone you feel a great connection with. Making an active effort to participate in the things you like is a telltale sign of genuine interest. When someone is really into you, for example, they’ll sit through an Ariana Grande concert even if they don’t love it, just because they know Ari is your favorite.

“When people start connecting, maybe they're not interested in some of the same things, so one of the things I tell clients is that being flexible in terms of what you like will go a long way in showing your interest or commitment,” Safran says. Relationships are all about healthy compromise and mutual respect.

This person might tag along to the science museum or go on a run with you, even though they wouldn’t normally do that of their own accord, because they like to see you happy and want to be a part of your world. “It’s definitely a good sign,” Safran says. “Obviously no one wants to be with a narcissist who only wants you to be into what they’re into about everything.”

4. They Bring You Around Their Friends And Family

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You will also know a person is into you when, in addition to wanting to be a part of your world, they make you a part of their world, as well. Someone who is really interested in you will introduce you to their friends and family and have you frequent their closest circle because they want to integrate you into that group.

“Meeting people in their life is a great sign,” Safran says. “For some people, they won’t introduce you because there's multiple others that they might be dating — and generally parents don’t approve of that.” If you’re meeting the fam, you know this person sees long-term potential with you.

In the same way that you want your close friends to meet someone you’ve been gushing about, they should feel excited about introducing you to people in their life, too. It means that you’re becoming a priority to them, as Jane Reardon, a licensed therapist and founder of RxBreakup app, told Bustle."Being important in someone’s life means meeting the other people in their life and forming connections with them," Reardon said.

5. They’re Respectful Of Your Time

When a person is into you, they’ll book your time well in advance because they respect you and are just happy you're choosing to spend your time with them. If they never stand you up, aren’t late, and don’t make plans with you as a last resort, they are treating you as you deserve to be treated.

“People who are good to be around are going to be doing what they can to keep you and your time in mind,” Safran says. “Someone who is conscious of your time clearly respects you.”

Relatedly, when someone truly cares about you, they don’t mind making time to fit your needs and “are ready to sacrifice [their] feelings, time, situation … without expectation for anything in return," as relationship consultant Andrea Adams-Miller told Bustle.

6. They Take You Out To Places Where They Can Hear You Speak

A loud bar, club, and other VIP settings can definitely be fun, especially for meeting someone new, but they’re not the sort of places where lasting relationships are made and developed. If you find that these are the only places someone ever takes you, ask yourself what their intentions are.

A good sign that someone is genuinely interested in you is the amount of focus and attention they give you and your thoughts. "They don't want to talk to anyone else," marriage therapist Kimberly Hershenson told Bustle. "If they were around you the entire time and didn’t bother to meet other people or [start] up a conversation with anyone else, it's a sign they think you’re special."

A person who is into you will take you to a place where they can hear you speak without interruption, such as a café or the park for a picnic, because they value you for your mind and what you have to say.

7. They Remember Details About You

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It’s a very positive sign if someone recalls hyper-specific details about you, such as things you’ve mentioned before or maybe a specific photo you have on your dating profile. “It shows that they are paying attention and really trying to get to know you, as well as wanting to get to know more about you,” Safran says.

When a person remembers things you've said earlier on and brings them up as your conversations progress, it's a huge indication that they are interested, as Coree Schmitz, professional matchmaker at Tawkify, told Bustle.

"In today's society, where being present in a conversation is one of the hardest things to do, giving a new person full attention during [a conversation] is one of the highest compliments," Schmitz said. "To me, that says, ‘Of all the 1,000 things I could be thinking about right now, I prefer to genuinely hear and think about what you have to say.’"

8. They Try To Make A Good Impression

If the person you're seeing never makes any effort to dress up when they meet up with you, then it’s likely they aren’t 100% invested. Simply put, a person who is into you will want to make a good impression and do little things to impress you when you're around.

“You can tell if someone isn’t interested if it looks like they didn’t put in any effort, in general, like if they don’t put effort into their appearance when they see you,” Safran says.

9. They Find Small Ways To Connect Physically

Safran also notes that thoughtful little ways of touching you are quite telling when it comes to somebody’s interest level. “If they touch your shoulder or your back, they’re probably looking to see if there's reciprocation, if there’s flirtation,” she says.

Sometimes the smallest gestures can say everything, and the simple touch of someone’s hand can be a subtle, yet highly effective, way of showing interest. “Light touches create a deeper connection and more intimacy,” Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, previously told Elite Daily. “It’s subtly stimulating, engaging senses of touch, sight, and sound.”

Of course, all of this is only true if they respect your boundaries and make you feel comfortable. As life and dating coach, Treva Brandon Scharf, told Bustle, someone who truly has feelings for you will always take "no" for an answer without question. "They'll respect your decisions and your boundaries," Scharf says. "If you say 'no' to something you’re not comfortable with, they honor it."

10. They Hint At Another Date And Make An Effort To Plan It

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When a girl or guy is into you, you'll know it. It will be clear that they won't want to risk someone else snatching you up, and so if they drop hints about a second date before even leaving the first in hopes you feel the same way, it’s obviously a great sign.

“Someone who is really into you will not keep you waiting too long,” Pricilla Martinez, online life coach at Blush previously told Elite Daily. “If they are interested, they will take the necessary steps to see you again.”

Even better, if they’re open and direct about it, you shouldn’t have any worries or problems deciphering their true intentions. “A lot of people are confused about how direct they should be, but in this day and age, I think being direct is the simplest way to tell that somebody is interested in you,” says Safran.

If you find that person is exhibiting any or, hopefully, a combination of these behaviors, you're in luck — they’re hooked! If not, and you find the vibe is all off (even if you’re really into them), move on. Life is too short to waste your time on someone who's simply not interested.

Studies referenced:

Have you ever “ghosted” someone (abruptly cut off all contact with a romantic partner or friend without explaining why you were doing so)? YouGov. (2019, January 23). https://today.yougov.com/topics/politics/survey-results/daily/2019/01/23/8102f/3.

Experts:

Stefanie Safran, dating expert and matchmaker at Stef and the City.

Traci Brown, body language expert and author of Persuasion Point

Patti Wood, body language expert and author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma

Jane Reardon, licensed therapist and founder of RxBreakup app

Andrea Adams-Miller, relationship consultant

Kimberly Hershenson, marriage therapist

Coree Schmitz, professional matchmaker at Tawkify

Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again

Treva Brandon Scharf, life and dating coach

Pricilla Martinez, online life coach at Blush

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