The 9 Stages Every Girl Goes Through When Procrastinating Shaving Her Legs
I'm would never describe myself as a lethargic person, but when it comes to getting my leg hair situation under control, I'm pretty damn lazy.
Yeah, I appreciate having smooth legs as much as the next woman, but the process of removing leg hair? It's not exactly on the top of my list of things I want to do. I'm not even crazy about showering — don't worry, I do it often — but shaving my legs? No way.
Since it's summer, I can no longer get away with not shaving my legs for six weeks at a time. It's not like how it is in winter when all legs go into hibernation.
Procrastination is something that affects everyone. I know because while putting off shaving my legs, I actually got into some reading about procrastination to make myself feel better about it. Yeah, that's pretty meta for procrastination right there.
I had the chance to get it done last weekend and the weekend before, but I didn't. I had more important things to do, like watch "Game of Thrones," do some online shopping and Snapchat my luxuriously lazy weekend.
Here are the stages every girl goes through while procrastinating shaving her legs in the summer:
Stage 1: You shaved your legs 10 minutes ago, and they already feel prickly.
Actually hopping in the shower to shave is an accomplishment in and of itself and once you get it done, you feel like a goddess who can conquer anything. You cross "shaving" off your mental list of things to do and get on with your life. Nothing feels better than that.
Somehow 10 minutes later, you already feel prickly. What dark magic is this? But the post-shave prickle factor doesn't stop you from feeling like a badass and confidently showing off your fresh legs to the outside world.
Stage 2: You're rocking the two-day stubble, and life is good.
You can tell the stubble is there, but no one else can. You have every reason to throw on your cutest romper and show off those gams.
Shaving is the last thing on your mind while you're basking in the glory of having your shit together and frolicking through the streets in your cutest summer clothes. You've let your legs get some much-needed sun, and you don't have a worry in the world.
Stage 3: It's Sunday and you could shave your legs, but you don't.
Why put an end to your lazy Sunday when you're so comfy? Shaving your legs is the opposite of comfy. The only thing on your to-do list on a Sunday is nothing. So, technically, you accomplished everything you were supposed to.
Stage 4: You realize your leg hair is past the grace period, but wear a dress anyway.
It's Tuesday; you're too busy to shave. You have a life. You have places to be. And those places do not include your bathroom. Besides, no one is really looking closely at your legs, right?
Stage 5: You accept the state of your leg hair and wear jeans for a week.
Even though it's hot, you just pretend you don't own any dresses, skirts or shorts, and you strictly wear pants and jeans. So maybe you were going to shave your legs last night, but then you accidentally found a happy hour margarita deal and it just didn't happen.
This is the stage of giving absolutely no fucks about your leg hair. You rock that fuzz. Societal standards can suck it. Even though your legs feel suffocated from being bound by jeans for a week straight, life is still good because no one sees how lazy you are, and you still don't have to shave.
Stage 6: Your legs are fuzzier than ever, and you no longer feel like a human who can handle life.
You start to spiral. Aside from not shaving, you can't remember the last time you went to the grocery store. Even paying bills seems like a distant memory.
Since you're drowning in a cycle of procrastination guilt, you can't seem to drag your ass into your bathroom and just do it. Your life is not a Nike commercial. You can't "just do it" because, frankly, you just don't want to. Isn't that what adult life is all about, anyway? Just avoiding things you don't want to do? Sounds about right.
Because your leg hair has reached a beastly length and thickness, you decide you're just going to stay in all weekend and binge-watch "Orange Is The New Black" from the beginning since you've been meaning to watch it for years.
Stage 7: You finally decide to shave your legs, but realize you're out of shaving cream.
You actually need a break from binge-watching shows on Netflix and decide to get on with it -- but you don't have the necessary amount of shaving cream, and the procrastination continues. Oh well.
Stage 8: You have a date, and shaving your legs suddenly becomes an emergency.
The thought of your date potentially seeing or touching your hairy legs jolts you into hyper-productivity. You shave your legs in record time and make sure not to skip moisturizing either.
Stage 9: Ten minutes later, your legs feel prickly.
And the procrastination begins again.