Shaving sucks. This is a fact that cannot be disputed. Why do you think men looove the idea of "No Shave November" so much? As if they have any right to complain... they only have to worry about shaving their faces.
Please, we would be grateful if we only had one area to worry about maintaining. But, nope, we have every extremity possible to deal with, and believe me, it is never a pleasant experience.
This is why females absolutely love the winter. Sure, it may be absolutely freezing out and you may have packed on a few pounds, but you know what you get to avoid for the majority of this season? SHAVING — that's right.
But there are certain occasions we can't embrace our au naturel selves and, as a result, must pick up our razor for yet another miserable encounter. So what do these circumstances look like? Well...
1. Your third Tinder date
Because everyone is all too familiar with that "three date rule."
2. Your second Tinder date
It's always a possibility that things can a little crazy after your second date. I mean you already made it through the first date. Or did you...
3. F*ck it -- your first Tinder date
Ya'll are on Tinder for a reason, let's cut the crap right now.
4. The office Christmas party
You can't roll up to a work function if you've skipped your hygienic maintenance. You have to appear to be professional as you pound flute after flute of champagne. The keyword here is obviously: appear.
5. Your bi-monthly pedicure
It's basically a guarantee that your pedicurist will give you a much better foot massage if she doesn't have to look up at Godzilla's legs.
6. Encouragement to book a tropical island vacation to avoid the cold
The best part about the winter is escaping from it while drinking margaritas on a topless beach in the Caribbean.
7. In preparation for the spray tan you so desperately need
I know we are supposed to embrace our body's naturalness, but everything feels so much better when you're tan. I mean when you're packing on the winter weight, the best way to tone your body is to tan it.
8. Three words: Full Body Massage
You want to feel relaxed when you are paying triple digits for a massage so you must make sure your legs are free from hair. You don't want to feel anxious when your masseuse hits your lower body. That's just awkward for everybody.
9. Another three words: New Year's Eve
Normally, the surest way not to get laid is by preparing yourself to get laid, but on NYE, we all have the same idea in our heads -- which is why you must make sure to shave your legs.
10. Anytime you go out... which is never
I guess it never hurts to be prepared. Actually it does, every time you accidentally cut yourself with your razor.
11. Your annual gyno visit
The gyno may not judge your sexual conquests or personal down-there maintenance choices, but she certainly is judging the fact that you didn't shave your legs.
12. Trying on shoes
You want to be focused on your footwear, not the blankets that happen to be growing from your legs. The salespeople don't want to spend their time maneuvering footwear over your feet with the risk of brushing up against your hairy legs.
13. When your outfit requires stockings
It really is not a good look to have your hair poking through your tights. You will notice, the person across the room will notice — everyone will notice.
14. When even you can't bear to look at them anymore
That is really when you know it's time for the hair to just GO.
15. Going through any form of travel security
Pat downs can reach a whole new level of intimacy if you are letting a stranger get all up and personal with your un-groomed legs.
16. On a night when you know you are going to black out
Maybe you had no intentions of sleeping out, but your drunk alter ego knows no bounds.
17. When you aren't sure if you're wearing pants or not.
The answer is I'm not... that's just hair.
18. When there is a solid chance cornrows are in your future
If you think braiding is a possibility... it's time.
19. Basically any time you have any possible chance whatsoever of getting it in