Shaving your legs is a difficult task. Outside the actual process of shaving, there are numerous other factors that come into play.
Really? You mean besides the razor and shaving cream (or whatever most resembles shaving cream in your shower), there are other things?
Well, yes, there are additional factors, and they can be summed up in one word: schedule. There is nothing worse than shaving your legs for some sort of commitment, only to receive no follow-through, making the entire process just a waste of precious, valuable time.
Actually, there is something equally as terrible, and that is purposely not shaving in order to control yourself. Am I right, ladies? Am I right?
When do you find yourself full of shaving-induced regret? Every single one of these damn times:
1. The day you decide to go in the ocean post-shave
Everyone knows it's a rookie mistake to head to the beach with a pair of freshly shaved legs. The second you walk into the ocean is the moment you feel the wrath of 1,000 suns -- that sh*t burns!
If you don't know, now you know...
2. On a Friday night, when you get your period 5 minutes before you head out the door
God. F*cking. Damnit. Why are you even going out at this point? Your mood is ruined; your underwear is ruined, and your sex drive is ruined.
Oh well, at least you can now drown your sorrows in endless tequila shots, while rationalizing the drunk pizza you are sure to indulge on this special occasion.
3. When you buy the perfect little black dress only to realize you have razor burn
You did everything right! You skipped your period, you went shopping and made some great plans. But, as you are about to pull that LBD over your head, you realize one thing -- actually, a thousand little things: There are red bumps covering BOTH of your legs.
You scream to all that is holy, "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!" as you sadly pull on your go-to pair of black stretchy jeans.
4. When you go out to the club and come home with a box of pizza
You went out with every intention of finding someone to bring home that evening, but as everyone knows, the surest way to not get laid is to go looking for it.
Now the only man who's appreciating your freshly shaved legs is the guy making your pizza.
5. When you meet your blind date and immediately know it isn't going anywhere
The worst part about a blind date is the 50/50 chance it will absolutely suck. Honestly, more often than not, this is the sad and depressing case.
6. When you don't have time to properly moisturize afterwards
The only thing this ensures is your subsequent painful razor burn. There is nothing worse than the feeling of your jeans chaffing your non-moisturized, shaved legs.
7. When you have one leg done and then run out of shaving cream
Now you must waste your precious, valuable and irrationally-expensive conditioner.
8. When you plan on wearing a dress only to realize you hate how it looks and are forced to throw on jeans
Don't you wish you tried on your outfit before you wasted 15 minutes in the shower?
9. When you decide to run to Duane Reade and they have the A/C set on the 'Siberian tundra' setting and your hair grows back
You know you need a chaser before you go out, so you quickly run to the corner to pick one up. Too bad you are greeted with sub-zero temperatures and all your craftsmanship is tossed out the window.
10. When you are all shaved and lotioned-up, only to discover the temperature outside has mysteriously dropped 15 degrees and now you are forced to wear pants
That is just cruel and utter punishment. You had your entire night laid out and it most definitely did not include wearing any type of bottoms. Now you must revert to step one, at which point you should just crawl into bed with Netflix.
11. When you think you're going to see the guy you like and he never shows up to the pregame
You skipped the gym just so you would be ready on time, and alas, your efforts shall go unrewarded. "What a waste of time and effort," you tell yourself, as you gather your belongings and head home.
It's okay -- just chalk this one up to a loss.
12. When your date cancels on you last minute
Well, I'll just go f*ck myself now.
13. When you nick your achilles heel with your razor
This is the worst place you could ever, EVER, cut yourself. The bleeding doesn't even start to subside until at least two hours have passed.
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