How The '10 Crack Commandments' Could Actually Fit Perfectly Into Girl World
The Notorious B.I.G. is a legend. Like Moses before him, Biggie passed down a set of commandments to be followed by his disciples, which he affectionately called "The 10 Crack Commandments."
While Biggie specifically applied these laws to the drug world, we found that these were extremely appropriate for Girl World as well. After all, aren't his lyrics open to interpretation?
In Girl World, like Crack World, there is an unspoken set of codes that keeps the order among the groups. Just as you wouldn't trust a fellow user to watch your stash, you can't rely on a frenemy to give you an honest opinion on your outfit.
Here are the 10 Crack Commandments of Girl World. Biggie would be proud.
1. Never let no one know how much dough you hold
Biggie Definition: Don’t reveal your stake.
Girl World Interpretation: Don’t let everyone know how much your dad bankrolls your lifestyle.
Why: Too much richness breeds jealousy and pockets don’t really go with this outfit anyway, Biggie knew that. Be the rich bitch who all the girls are like, “but she’s sooo down-to-earth though.”
What a rich girl gon' do about it: L’art de humblebrag. Example: Come in my car -- I got this personal driver through work. It’s on The Company.
2. Never let them know your next move
Biggie Definition: Don't walk home loaded as f*ck and forget it's your turn to babysit Grandma.
Girl World Interpretation: Don’t let on to the group that you’re really going home early to drunkenly feed your cat and watch Bravo in your undies. Or, pretend to have recently diagnosed dietary restrictions when you opt to go on a gluten-free diet.
Why: Everyone else secretly wants to do the same and now you just beat them to it. When you act predictable, you fall into a trap.
Related: Irish exits; suddenly acquiring an affinity for whisky.
3. Never trust nobody
Biggie Definition: Keep your sh*t to yourself.
Girl World Interpretation: Keep your sh*t to yourself.
Why: In girl world, you can pretty much tell your gal pals anything – except when you hate your BFF's engagement ring.
What’s a talkative girl gon’ do about it: Gossip with your housewifey Mom. Example: “Stacy totes didn’t use a condom. Not confirmed, but just throwing it out there.”
Related: Regina George's mom, Kris Jenner, Kim Zolciak.
4. Never get high on your own supply
Biggie Definition: Don’t smoke your own crack.
Girl World Interpretation: Your sh*t does stink. Don’t think that you’re better than your friends.
Why: When you’ve made it to the top, the first people to be happy for you are your girlfriends. Strong women must motivate other strong women.
What’s a cool girl gon’ do about it: Keep it real, girlfriend. And remember, we love you for who you are.
5. Never sell no crack where you rest at
Biggie Definition: Exactly how it reads.
Girl World Interpretation: Don’t introduce bad stuff to the group, like your addiction to “Dance Moms” or unscooped bagels.
Why: It only takes one person to ruin the whole thing.
6. That goddamn credit? Dead it.
Biggie Definition: Money upfront, always.
Girl World Interpretation: Real friends don’t keep score. You got each other’s backs unconditionally -- there’s no “I owe you” or “thanks for listening to me complain about my work struggles for half an hour” return policy.
Why: That’s what friends do.
What's a frustrated girl gon' do about it: Take out your aggression on a SoulCycle class (in which, coincidentally, you do pay the money upfront).
7. Keep your family and business completely separated
Biggie Definition: Totally underrated.
Girl World Interpretation: Reserve things like “He moonlights as a mall Santa in July” for friends only.
Why: Your parents are still trying to figure out Facebook, let alone your friend’s two-month breakup.
Related: Katniss Everdeen; The entire cast of "Laguna Beach."
8. Never keep no weight on you!
Biggie Definition: Don’t be packing heat.
Girl World Interpretation: Don’t be packing on the buffet.
Why: If you carry extra baggage, people will feel threatened by you. Just look at Biggie.
What’s a hungry girl gon’ do about it: Arm yourself with kale.
Related: Thigh gaps; Dove ad campaigns; skinny arms.
9. If you ain’t getting bagged stay the f*ck from police.
Biggie Definition: Don’t flex with the enemy.
Girl World Interpretation: Be loyal to your posse, chicks before dicks and all that good stuff.
Why: The new girlfriend of your best friend's ex is never, under any circumstances, hotter than she is.
Related: Undermining coworkers; That girl who does everything better than you.
10. A strong word called consignment. If you ain’t got the clientele say hell no.
Biggie Definition: Don't get too deep in the game. Know when to say "hell no."
Girl World Interpretation: Don't spread yourself too thin.
Why: You won't be able to give each friend your full attention. It's about quality not quantity.
Related: The Babysitter's Club; Fiona Gallagher; "Girls."
Photo Courtesy: Glen Infante