Men: When Did You Decide You Don't Need To Use Condoms Anymore?

by Lauren Martin

Condoms, condoms everywhere, but not a rubber to be found.

The word we used to cringe at in health class is now a word on the brink of extinction. The small piece of latex in the candy-colored wrapper we once associated with maturity and sexual awakening has skipped our adolescence, passed over our 20s and lies teetering on the edge of obsolescence.

Yet, as we stand on the edge with it, women everywhere can't help but wonder, how did something so plentiful become so rare? They're everywhere... in vending machines, book stores (thank you NYC), public restrooms, school nurse offices, your brother's bedroom, your neighbor's backpack and, most likely, her bedside table.

With a bevy of condoms thrown at us in every direction, the root of the downward spiral of the latex industry is not the availability of the rubbers, but the denial of their existence.

Like an alcoholic who refuses to admit he has a problem, men are refusing to admit these tiny pieces of latex exist. With more than 80 percent trying to buck the trend, according to a survey published in the Journal of Sex Research.

Women, however, were never clued in on this (pardon my French) “raw” trend and when approached with the simple request, men act like we’re trying to put a chain of metal spikes around their best friend’s neck.

Lying there defeated, we can't help but wonder, when did men become so demanding? When did men decide it was all or nothing? When did the notice come out that condoms are out and women are f*cked? With the ample supply of rubbers, the lies some men try to use to get away with the act is almost as undignified as the act itself.

How could you forget one? You knew we were hanging out, you knew this was going to happen. And if you did forget, let’s just walk down to any corner store and buy some.

“Well, I just don’t like using them.” Ah, the truth comes out. “Well, I’m sorry this small piece of plastic won’t give you the ultimate experience, but at least you’ll orgasm,” is what most women would like to say.

Because even with that piece of “uncomfortable,” “tight” and “pinching” latex, you will still finish. Women, however, like our strong sisters before us, might just have to fake it, never letting on that all the “extra time” it takes you with the rubber still isn’t enough to get us remotely close.

But we stay silent. We tell you that we are uncomfortable not using one, that we forgot to take our birth control or that we’d like to wait until we know you a little bit better. All valid excuses and most likely true, but what we really want to say is, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

In an age where information is readily available and we know that 9.5 million adolescents (ages 15 to 24) are diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease each year, thanks to the US Department of Health Services, how can you be so reckless? How can you justify bare sex with a woman you picked up at a bar knowing that four in 10 sexually active adolescent females have an STD?

If you’re not scared of getting it from us, we’re sure as hell scared of getting it from you. According to the Office of Adolescent Health, in 2008, males accounted for 71 percent of all HIV diagnoses among adolescents. Almost two-thirds of HIV carriers are men, and you expect us to just lie there and take it blindly?

With all this information, how can you still think that it’s OK to take a girl you just met home and try sleeping with her without a condom? If women were playing the same game, you'd have to deal with a phone call nine months down the line, a brief stint on "Maury" and 18 years of monthly payments and two Christmases.

But no, we (most of the time) remain the responsible ones, the rational ones. Because if we didn’t, we’d all be running around with six types of STDs and a population growth high enough to incite some type of government interference.

Thus, we’re forced to be the bad guys. The sticklers. The prudes. We’re forced to ask you to rubber up or be that “stupid b*tch” who let you bang us without a condom.

As usual, we’re staring down the edge of a double-edged sword, and all while we’re being slashed and poked, all we can really think is: When the hell did men get so out of control?

When you stopped having manners?

Isn’t it enough to get to sleep with a woman? Isn’t it enough that she brought you home? Isn’t it enough that you just met her?

In the age of Snapchat, Pornhub and Tinder, men have become spoiled. And like all spoiled children, they’re unappreciative of the things their parents once found pleasure in.

On the first date, when men used to relish in holding a woman’s hand, they are expecting not just sex, but unprotected sex.

They are expecting women to come off their phone screens, into their beds and onto their laps. They don’t care if you won’t acquiesce to not using a condom because they can find someone who will.

 When you learned to make excuses?

“Don’t worry, I was tested. I’m clean.”

Do you get tested every week? Do you get tested after every woman you sleep with? Do you have the test results with you? These are the questions we want to ask.

While men may not be lying when they say they’ve been tested, it’s more of an empty truth. Yes, they may have been tested and clean the one time they went, but who’s to say something hasn’t happened since?

If you’re so quick to have sex without a condom with us, how do we know you’re not dropping your pants for everyone else?

The excuses, rationalizations and reasonings are just white noise. It’s just like the buzzing after the bomb. You’re not using a condom and that’s all we need to hear. Everything else is just more bullsh*t we have to tread through.

When you helped create the hook-up culture?

What ever happened to good ol' fashioned foreplay?  What happened to building towards something? What happened to the marathon? When did it become all about the sprint? 

While women are not blameless in the hook-up culture we've created, men aren't helping. By refusing to use a condom, men are validating all our fears that we are indeed, just another hole to them.

This flagrant disregard for their health and our health is only perpetuating the disgusting dating culture we've created.

A culture where we no longer get to know one another, spending nights above the sheets and without fear of having to explain why we want you to use a condom.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It