Hangovers might just be my worst enemies in life.
They hit me with this insane vigor that, honestly, shouldn't be happening this early in my life as an alcohol-consuming adult (I'M ONLY 23, GUYS).
Since I clearly can't learn from my mistakes, the only other option is to make my living space totally hangover-proof.
So, here's how you do it:
1. Blackout curtains.
What better way to complement your embarrassing blackout from last night (you know the third drink will always do you in), than with matching curtains?
For real though, all forms of natural light are off-limits until your hangover subsides. You don't need the outside world right now, nor do they need to see you and your crusty eyes.
2. An endless supply of bedside tissues.
Speaking of your lovely crusties, you're going to need a plethora of Kleenex to wipe those babies away before you have to worry about a hangover and pink eye.
Plus, you might need those tissues if you whip out your phone and realize you drunkenly texted literally all the wrong people last night.
3. A strand of string lights.
Even though the sun and bright, overhead lights are temporary no-nos, some soft lighting in your room will help to balance the bleak darkness provided by your blackout curtains.
Make sure you have the means to switch them on right from your bed, because the last thing you need right now is to leave your cozy sanctuary.
4. A proper fuzzy blanket.
No cozy sanctuary is complete without the fuzziest of blankets.
Toss your regular comforter to the floor, because you need a blankie SPECIFICALLY reserved for your hangovers.
For one thing, you know you're probably going to drool on this thing a lot, so it should only be used for such occasions.
You're looking for something with maximum fuzz, maximum softness and something that's big enough to cocoon yourself in until you're ready to emerge as a semi-functional human/butterfly.
5. Water, water, water... and, did I mention water?
H2o is your best friend right now, since your actual BFF is probably too busy suffering from her own hangover right now to help you.
I recommend having cases on cases on cases of water bottles shoved under your bed for premium accessibility.
6. A laptop, tablet, or any device you can watch Netflix on.
Since real life probably feels a little shitty at the moment, that means it's time for you to get lost in a fictional world.
Reading a book is way too taxing on your squinty eyes and your throbbing head, so Netflix is the next best solution.
Make sure you have the charger plugged in nearby, and that chord better be long AF.
7. Bedside snacks.
When you first wake up, eating will likely be the last activity on your mind.
But eventually, as the day progresses, and your hangover loosens its threat to murder you, you might feel a little rumble in your tummy.
Real food is too much to handle, so any kind of snack that comes in a bag or a box is the way to go. I personally recommend Teddy Grahams, because I like to revert back to my childhood self after a night of bad adult decisions.
8. An artsy sign to express your never-ending struggle.
Ugh, we have the attention spans of flies when it comes to drinking, don't we?