Here's What You Should Really Name Your Baby In 2016

It's baby-naming season!

It is often said by people who work in departments of motor vehicles names are the windows to the soul.

Names literally define people. Oftentimes, your name is something people know about you before you ever meet.

That's why having a dumb, stupid, crap name can be so detrimental to your success.

If you're a boss and a person comes into your office to interview for a job with a dumb name like Boris or Jeanie, are YOU going to hire them?! NO! DEFF NOT! Sorry, Boris! Your name is a BOR(e)IS.

The thing is, your name is completely out of your control. You have literally zero say on one of the biggest parts of your life, which is complete horse crap. Babies should be given placeholder names and then decide what they want to be called when they're older.

I bring this up because May is PRIMETIME for unprotected love seshes, which makes NOW baby-naming season.

Make sure to give your kid-to-be the gift of having a cool Millennial name from any of the options I thought up for you below!

1. Swipe

It's probably what led to this kid in the first place.

2. Pratt

It works as an homage to both Spencer Pratt and Chris Pratt, as well as Pizza Rat.

3. Phil

Justin Bieber's dog deserves a shout out in your child's name.

4. BB-8

The coolest robot is now the coolest baby.

5. FingerInTheBooty


6. Harley

Like the villain and member of the Suicide Squad. You get it, Mistah J.

7. Paul Feig

I mean, who isn't digging Paul Feig nowadays?!

8. Koko

Other acceptable names would be Mary Jo, Posie, True Brown, Candy and Dolce.

9. Stream

Netflix and chill, HBO Go and snuggle, Amazon Prime and totally smash. Once again, these streams were all things instrumental in making this baby a reality.

10. Khaleesi

You may be a mother of children, but your child could very well be a mother of dragons.

11. Venmo

It doesn't get more Millennial than naming your kid Venmo.

12. Shruggie

It's the movement of the Millennial generation.

13. Hamilton

Make sure your kid doesn't throw away his or her shot.



15. Tatum

Naming your kid Channing would be wayyyyy too on the nose.

16. Verse

As in Marvel-verse, "Star Wars"-verse, "Potter"-verse, "House of Cards"-verse, "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman"-verse and every other thing you'll force your child to love.

17. TBT

TBT to those days when you didn't have to care for a crying poop bag.

18. Zayn

"PILLOWTALK" super sucked. This is a long-term bet on Zayn putting out better music.