Everything I've Learned About Love (So Far)
Certified sex coach Mike Johnson from 'The Bachelorette' and 'Bachelor In Paradise'

Mike Johnson Wants You To Ask Him For Sex Advice

No, seriously.

Elite Daily; ABC/Disney General Entertainment Content/Getty Images

There’s a reason everyone has a crush on Mike Johnson, and it’s not his smile — OK, it’s not *just* his smile. The 35-year-old gained heartthrob status after appearing on Hannah Brown’s season of The Bachelorette in 2019. Throughout the show, he was a class act, even thanking Brown for her honesty when she sent him home in Week 7.

Almost four years later, Johnson is still a fan-favorite, but he’s stepped away from the dating reality show universe. Rather than keeping the focus on his personal love life (he’s taken, but not spilling too many details), he’s using his platform to help other people improve their sex lives.

“People have so many sexual questions — no matter their relationship status, sexual orientation, gender, or religion. I'm pretty non-judgmental, and I really care about the subject, so I'm just here to spread the love,” Johnson, who is a certified sex and intimacy coach, tells Elite Daily. “We need to redefine what wellness is. It’s all about mental and physical health, but sexual well-being should be part of the conversation, too.”

Johnson’s company, Feeling Seen, is all about that — and there’s a blog and weekly newsletter devoted to answering readers’ sex questions. Lately, he’s been bringing his expertise to Instagram, too, sharing tips and lessons about using sex toys, talking about “body count” with your partner, and more.

Here, Johnson shares his best sex and relationship advice — including how to stop the “perpetual cycle of sh*t” that is modern-day dating. Plus, he recalls the time he visited a sex club with a nun.

Elite Daily: For a long time, there was a movement for you to become the next Bachelor (there’s even a petition on Change.org with over 3,000 signatures). Some fans are still hoping you’ll become the lead. How does that make you feel?

Mike Johnson: There’s something on Change.org? That's hilarious. I feel like I brought a different personality and vibe that a lot of the Bachelor audience hadn’t seen, but they really wanted to see. And so I appreciate anyone that supports me.

ED: I’m sure many of your fans are still crushing on you. What was dating like for you post-show?

MJ: I would be lying if I said it’s no different. After the show, you have to let the person that you're dating know, “Hey, every now and then some girl may come up to me and kind of disrespect you, and you’ve just got to deal with it.”

When I first got off the show, the biggest difference was not knowing if a girl wants you for you or for clout. Honestly, at this point, I'm kind of a has-been. My clout has died off, so I'm not really worried about that anymore.

ED: Are there any misconceptions people might have about your love life since you’ve been on a reality show about dating?

MJ: I do more than just smile. My girlfriend would probably say that I’m goofy and always smiling. But she would also say that I'm pretty damn thoughtful.

ED: It sounds like you’re in a great relationship now. How has your mindset about dating changed since you first appeared on The Bachelorette?

MJ: Before, I didn't feel like I was worthy of love, and I felt like I wasn't going to be good enough for my partner. I've overcome both those things by cultivating mindfulness and presence in myself. That can happen in a lot of ways. I keep a gratitude journal, but writing, having a peer group, and seeking counsel can all help.

I am a huge iPhone Notes app person — and I still pay $69 a year for Evernote [a note-taking app]. I got notes out the *ss. Writing stuff down is important to me. I used to be scared of my words and the way I spoke to myself, but now I'm just aware. You can say, “I feel like sh*t today. I feel blue today.” That’s fine, but then ask yourself: Why? And try to figure it out. If you can’t, just DM me or sign up for my newsletter. I got you.

ED: Do you have any green flags you look out for when dating?

MJ: It’s a green flag when you can tell me something about myself that I should be doing better, but you don't make me feel insecure about it. I love constructive criticism. I want to be a better human being every single day.

ED: Any icks?

MJ: I know I give some people the ick. I’ve seen Reddit once or twice. But what gives me the ick? Cigarettes. I'm sorry if I offend anyone — I'm human. Another ick is when someone is not genuine, or they’re dishonest. That sh*t turns me off so fast.

ED: Besides avoiding those things, what's your best piece of dating advice?

MJ: Ensure that you're ready to be dating and focus on yourself prior to getting in a relationship. We always hear people talking about the perpetual cycle of how much dating sucks: “Men are sh*t, women are sh*t, everyone's sh*t.” How about you focus on improving yourself, so you can stop the perpetual cycle of sh*t?

ED: What about your best sex advice?

MJ: Listen to your partner. Not all humans are the same. What I may have done for my ex and she went wazoo for it, I'm not going to do to the next person because she might not have the same reaction.

I'm going to sound nerdy, but as an example, we have so many nerve endings in our pelvic region. But all women are freaking goddesses in multiple ways: These nerve endings branch off, so you might have more nerve endings in the pit of your elbow than your breast area. That’s why you’ve got to listen to your partner.

For some tactical advice, create a safe environment where your partner can truly feel comfortable giving you feedback — whether it’s, “Hey, I really don't like the way you curse around me,” or, “Can you go a little bit to the left?”

ED: You’ve been posting a lot of sex and dating advice on Instagram as a certified sex and intimacy coach. What prompted you to take your content in that direction?

MJ: Even before going on The Bachelorette in 2019, I was in school to become certified. The 18-month program consisted of reading, going to lectures, and physical homework, which was kind of fun — but then you also got to give feedback, which was less fun.

I've actually been certified for a minute. I just never talked about it because people can be so judgmental. But after I wrote my book about self-love (Making The Love You Want), I was like, “f” it, this is what I care about. Now I’m in school again to become a board-certified sexologist.

ED: That sounds like a lot of work. What have you learned from the process?

MJ: How to forego judgments. When you work in this field, you become one of the least judgmental people. There’s a lot of focus on opening your mind. We actually had a nun in our class, and she had to come with us to the sex club for the course. I had never been to a sex club prior, and my first time was with a nun. It was so crazy.

ED: Wait, can you please give more details on the nun at the sex club?

MJ: Without being too specific, they had some issues going on in the convent. Some traumas. She was the person that was elected to help fix things. So, she had to go through the certification process. And when you go through it, you really start to lower your judgment of other people. So, that’s what she had to do, along with the rest of us.

ED: You’ve made it your mission to help people approach intimacy, sex, and love. So, what does love mean to you?

MJ: Choice is the foundation. Being in love is choosing to be with someone (or someones — again, as a sex coach, I'm not going to judge anyone). It’s choosing to grow with them in their faults, in their rights, in their wrongs, in their glory. But, also, behind closed doors when they just really need you to hold onto.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.