Not Everyone Has A “Type," & Here's What Experts Say That Means About You
"Everyone has a type." I've heard this over and over again, but is it really true? Are we repeatedly drawn to the same type of person? For some people, the answer is yes. But for others, the kind of people they find themselves drawn to may vary. Maybe the hipster next door was your first love, but the athlete in your college chemistry class was your true love. So what does it mean if you don't have a type? Is it a bad thing? Is there something wrong with your taste in partners? Absolutely not. According to experts, you just find something to love in all your partners, even if that "something" isn't the same across the board.
But if there's nothing wrong with not having a type, what does it really mean? "It simply means that you are not locked into one specific type of person," Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent relationship therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. You're not only attracted to tall, dark, and handsome. You also like strong, kind, and fit; or short, stocky, and honest; or brilliant, hardworking, and beautiful. "If you do not have a type, that may simply mean that you are not quite sure about very specific qualities...or it could mean that you are looking for more than just two or three qualities that appeal to you," Dr Brown points out.
"Not having (or at least not adhering to) a certain type is actually a good thing," Brit Burr, editor-at-large and writer for Psych N Sex, tells Elite Daily. If you do have a type, you may find yourself drawn to a specific kind of person who you haven't had much long-term luck with. "If you don’t have a specific type, you don’t have to worry about this," Burr explains. "Of course, sometimes we can’t exactly help who we are attracted to, but we can make ourselves aware of our trends and be mindful of them moving forth. Not having a glaring type is a good thing because it allows you to keep your possibilities open without pigeonholing yourself into one category of romance/romantic parters."
Dr. Brown believes that whether or not you have a type isn't necessarily good or bad. It's not that black and white. "What I have observed is that it is more important to think in terms of the qualities that you would find desirable in a partner," he says. "They may add up to a general type, but I think the more specific and detailed you can be about the qualities you are looking for is so much more helpful. If you don’t know, that’s OK, but I think it’s good to really ask yourself what it is you are wanting in a relationship overall."
Even if you don't have a specific type, it's still important to note what attracts you to certain people, Dr. Brown elaborates. Do you have chemistry? Do you share common values? Do you both want to get married and have children one day? If you don't have a type, what draws you to people really just depends on the kind of person they are, who you are around them, and how they make you feel. "You want to make sure that the person you are with shares some basic human qualities such as kindness, empathy, openness, generosity in words and deeds," Dr. Brown explains. "Someone you would feel comfortable being vulnerable with — someone who you can trust that has your back."
If you, like me, find yourself drawn to all different kinds of people, that's totally OK. Join the club. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your taste, it just means you look at people as a whole. There are more than just a few qualities that attract you to someone. "And of course, your vision may change over time," Dr. Brown reminds us. "That’s perfectly normal. Who you were ten years ago is probably not the exact same person you are now," and the kind of person you were attracted to before, may not be who you're attracted to now, or who you'll be attracted to in the future. Only time will tell.