Any ancient poetry class will teach you that sending sexy messages to your lover isn't anything new. Before tablet computers, sultry words were sprawled over wax tablets — lovers used what they had to share their feelings. And today, lots of couples still do the same. Texting is a popular way to keep that fire burning. But what does texting in red hot relationship look like? Are the texts more frequent? More sex-driven? Strictly nudies?
"Texting is one of the best ways of keeping a relationship interesting — you can use it to tease, tempt and flirt while you are apart," Dating Coach & Relationship Expert James Preece tells Elite Daily. "It's a great opportunity to build on your chemistry and get them keen to see you again." Whether you and bae are apart for a few hours or a couple of months, texting can keep you in tune. Quick small messages and images can be a good stage for impromptu sexy thoughts. And the instant nature of texting can mean less time for overthinking and more saying the first sexy thing that comes to mind.
But how does sexting play a role? In 2017, The Kinsey Institute conducted an international sex survey about the role of digital communication in romantic relationships. Receiving 140,000 responses throughout 198 different countries, it's one of the largest sex studies ever conducted, and it discovered that Americans are the among the most likely population to sext. Relationship and wellbeing coach Shula Melamed weighs in. "If sexting is something that makes one or both parties build desire or feel desirable, it can create a sexier environment once the couple is face to face." Having the chance to express sexual fantasies or desires digitally can release inhibitions that partners may hold when about talking sex. Texting can be used as a build-up before seeing your boo, or to keep the passion alive after a great night.
But what does texting look like in a red hot relationship? Is texting more provocative and less practical? "Depending on how intertwined the couple is — if a couple that shares a lot of responsibilities and needs to coordinate life stuff, I don't think skipping the practical stuff is possible," Melamed says. "Frequency depends on the amount of time the couple has to spend on the phone." From airport rides to dinner plans, "life stuff" will inevitably be discussed. Having a mix of romantic and general texts doesn't mean the spark is burnt out. In fact, if your texts can't be sexy all the time, it may show your relationship is a bit more serious. "If there are more sexts and little to no practical messages, I might assume it's more of a casual relationship," Melamed says.
Overtime, as comfortability between partners grows, the tone of your texting may change. Before or around the first couple dates, you may try to seem cool and unfazed with your texting, waiting hours to respond or never using exclamation points. After your partner sees you ugly-dancing because the new season of Vanderpump Rules is coming out or waiting outside all night for the new Fenty Beauty Highlighter Palette, it can become useless to hide that you have no chill — with or without read receipts. Texting then can become less about "coming off" in a certain way, and more about general communication. You're not texting your boo to overthink their word choices and postulate who they are, you're texting to know what they want from the cheap Chinese place around the corner or to inform them that you're out of toilet paper. This change in tone doesn't mean your relationship is any less hot. "It depends on how the couple builds heat with each other," Melamed replies. "If a lot of the desire or flirtation is done via text, it may continue as long as the relationship continues. Or the couple might get bored of sexting and find other avenues for creating and maintaining that spark."
For some couples, sexting is an integral way to maintain the heat, but for others texting is only part of the deal. Just as no two relationships look the same, texting in a red hot relationship can sometimes look different for every couple. If sexting or sexy texting sounds hot to you, try talking to your partner about ways to incorporate phone-play into your foreplay. If you prefer in-person dirty talk, remember that a PG-rated text stream doesn't mean a fizzled love life. And if you've been sexting and have no plans to stop — may your texting be unlimited and your wifi uninterrupted. Whether it's via phone or via phở date, the only way to gauge the heat in your relationship is by checking in with your partner about what feels hot for both of you.