It may seem like sex starts in your body, but it actually starts in your brain. Seeing a sultry image, hearing your SO’s voice say some dirty words, smelling their cologne — these are some common mental triggers that get you worked up. And sexting is no different.

“When you receive a sext, your brain reacts by activating hormones and other neurochemicals of pleasure such as dopamine,” says Dr. Wish. “For women, the attachment hormone oxytocin also gets switched on. This hormone, which is crucial to mothers, intensifies feelings of the joys of closeness. When you combine pleasure and closeness, you can get sexual arousal — even from sexting! For men, hormones such as vasopressin intensity their sexual pleasure.”

FYI: Dopamine helps our brain to recognize a reward and then take action to achieve it. It’s also heavily linked to addiction. Think about it: You receive a sext, it makes you feel good, and suddenly, you want more. Every time your phone makes an alert sound, you can’t pick it up fast enough.

According to Dr. Wish, sexting is a powerful turn-on because it’s a safe way to get intimate without having to get naked. When you participate, you can let your guard down with the other person in a way that you might not quite be ready for in person. Plus, you don’t have to worry about physically pleasuring your partner adequately (or at all), and you don’t have to think about switching positions. And since your partner isn't in the room, you can simply focus on your own pleasure without feeling the pressure to orgasm or getting your partner to finish.

“It's almost worry-free sexual responsiveness!” adds Dr. Wish. “And sexting can be a very good way to try out your feelings for someone. You can also discover what your partner likes sexually, as well as get a peek into his or her often hidden character. For example, does your sexting partner want you to fantasize that you are being a submissive?”

Essentially, sexting offers a safe space for expressing some desires that might feel scary to bring up in the bedroom.

Most of us can appreciate an exchange of racy messages now and then, but like anything else sex-related, it’s a turn-on for some more than others. In some ways, it depends on the person’s comfort level with their sexuality and moreover, being vocal about it.

“Even though sexting tends to be emotionally less risky than falling in love, some people feel awkward sexting,” says Dr. Wish. “For example, it can feel scary rather safe to reveal their fantasies and requests. They might be too embarrassed to be vulnerable in uncovering their secret desires.”

Of course, who your sexting likely has something to do with your comfort level. For example, it may very well be easier to let loose and fire off a provocative sext to a long-term partner than some rando you met at a party last weekend.

While obviously everyone has their own unique preferences unrelated to gender, there are reasons why certain kinds of sexts tend to get men worked up more than women.

As Dr. Wish points out, men are often more visually stimulated.

“They are the ones whose heads turn the most when they see a physically attractive person," she explains. "Women do like to look, too, of course, but sometimes they don't respond as intensely as men do."

On the other hand, women tend to respond more to context, choice of words, and tone of voice. For example, they might want to hear how badly their partner wants them, or descriptions of what their partner wants to do to them.

“Part of the power of sexting is that it provides virtual safety, physically and emotionally — which can mean a chance to go wild," says Dr. Wish.

Feeling hot and bothered just thinking about it? Well, with that: Go forth, get out your phone, and don’t forget to practice safe sexting.

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