The Best Breakup Tips For College Students, According To 8 Incredibly Wise Women
Without a doubt, college breakups can be brutal — for your self-esteem, your social life, and your feelings toward whether pursuing love is even worth it in the future. It's why all the best breakup tips for college students all have to do with taking a step back, taking a deep breath, and seeing what you can learn from the situation. Focusing on the lesson from the heartbreak reminds us that everything really does happen for a reason, even when the universe seems cruel and senseless.
Breakups suck, but you might now know exactly what you don't like (or simply won't tolerate) from your next partner. You'll have a better sense of what relationship style works best for you. You might have picked up an exciting hobby or have redirected your energy into something with a more fruitful return than your past relationship. And finally, maybe your breakup challenged your friendships, your academic drive, and your opinions about sex, love, and dating — but it also may have taught you to always keep your self-worth at the forefront, too. Here is the best breakup advice from eight women that will remind you there is a light at the end of your breakup tunnel.
Make Room For An Even Brighter Future
To this day, I haven't felt the life-shattering, breath-stopping, truly incomprehensible feelings of utter heartbreak that I felt when I was blindsided by a freight train of a breakup at the beginning of my senior year. I wanted to marry that person and start a life with them, and they couldn't see us working past graduation.
It was humiliating, deeply saddening, and just absolutely sucked. Not only was it hard to keep planning my future, go to classes, and maintain a social life, but it was also really hard to feel supported by friends because I kind of felt like people just expected me to get over it. Though I felt like I would never heal, I healed. Though I felt like I would ever find someone better, there have been many. Though it felt like my future wouldn't be as amazing as a life with them, it's by far better than I could have ever imagined.
Keep your chin up, let your heart hurt, throw yourself into something challenging as a distraction, get involved with the things you've always wanted to try, and keep believing that each day it will hurt just a little bit less until, maybe a while from now, you will wake up and live a whole day without thinking their name at all.
— Hannah, 23
Spend That Extra Time On School Work
So predictable, I'm sure, but put all your hurt emotions into your studies. Nothing helps a broken heart more than being successful and doing something wonderful for yourself!
— Alicia, 28
Cherish The Memories, But Shine On
Don't cry over relationships that come to an end. Everything happens for a reason and as you enter adult life, things only get better. Focus on yourself. Focus on your career. Do you! It's your time to shine and really get yourself out there. The right person will come along when it's the right time. So for now, cherish the memories you had with your partner and use it as a learning lesson.
— Urszula, 24
Feel Free To Block Your Ex
When you’re in college, I think there’s a lot of pressure to end things amicably and still be friends in some way, because you are on a campus together and will likely run in to each other — even if you don’t have mutual friends or aren’t in the same classes. But it’s really hard to fully move on when you don’t cut things off.
Emotionally it feels very unfinished, and there’s always this ‘what if’ lingering in the background that can end up prolonging things in a weird way and making you more hurt in the end. There’s nothing wrong with not talking after a break up, blocking an ex on social, etc. You need time and space. Give that to yourself. (And the best thing about dating and breaking up after college is for the most part, you don’t have to worry about running into an ex ever again. It’s very liberating in a strange way!)
— Brielle, 29
Find An Outlet, Just For You
Find something to do that is just for you. Something that you do yourself and is self-motivated. For me, it was my fitness/triathlon, which has led to other hobbies like cooking. That way, no matter who you end up going out with, you always have your outlet.
Find someone new and experiment. I went out with a few people since [my ex] that were never going to be long-term, but were fun. Opens your eyes more to who is right and who is wrong for you, and what you want next. When you go out with someone new, take it slow, listen to them, and try not to compare to closely or replicate your past relationship. Learn from it.
I have learned to love myself a lot more since the breakup and it makes it easier to be alone. As much as I say that, I love my new GF and the time we spend together. But I definitely know what I want, and still appreciate my time and how valuable it is. The breakup doesn't just need to teach you this in your personal life, but your work life and free time, too.
— Rachel, 25
Accept Nothing Less Than The Best
Well, first of all, know your worth. It's so difficult to put yourself first when you've been a 'couple' for however long. But it's important to recognize what you want and what you deserve in a relationship. A lot of times, there's a point where you notice a change in the amount of effort being put in. People get comfortable and tend to take each other for granted. It's hard to come to terms with it because you feel so much love for this person that you tend to sweep it under the rug.
It took me a bit of time to truly accept what was happening and when I did, I had to address it. I've always maintained that I am a queen and should be treated as such. Not with fancy jewelry or gifts, but by love, companionship, and overall understanding. It's easy to say, 'I love you,' but to show how much you care is another story. I think the breaking point for me and where I lost a bit of trust was when I really needed my partner to be there for me and it always felt like I was a second thought.
I think long distance can also be a huge hurdle to overcome because communication is key. When you lose touch with the foundation that built your relationship, then both parties have been wronged. I was in a long-distance relationship off and on since I was a sophomore in college.
You go from not seeing each other for a month to these passionate weekend love affairs that are always too short. FaceTime helps, but it's not like being in the same space, feeling the same energy, embracing each others' essences. I'm still in love with this person and I feel that we'll always play a big part in one another's lives. But for us, it was the right decision to break things off. I see it so often: Couples madly in love that lack communication and end up resenting the very reasons they fell in love.
— Ciara, 22
Distract Yourself, But Don't Get Too Distracted
Girl, the thing with breakups in college is this: There is more to your life now more than ever. Not to be a cliché hoe, but there are so many other fish in the sea —especially in an environment that caters to your age group. Distractions are of plenty. Men and women alike are of plenty. At the end of the day, he/she/they were not it!
Most importantly, remember that higher education in America is a privilege (while it should be a right). No human being should stand in your way of achieving all the glory education may bring. I feel like this is all the obvious, but that’s my lukewarm tea!
— Fallon, 21
Get Tow Know Yourself Again
For context: I was in a long-distance relationship my first half of college, and it drained me. With us being miles apart, it gave me the space to come into my own without depending on another person. Once I learned more about myself and what it is that I wanted, I realized my partner and I were no longer on the same page. We ended things and honestly, it was for the better.
One of my biggest pieces of advice on how to deal with a breakup in college is to really focus on you. Give yourself time to know more about yourself without tying yourself down to someone romantically. You have time to find love, chase your dreams, and everything in between.
— Earica, 23
As much heartbreak, bitterness, and overwhelming desire to ignore your school responsibilities, order in and binge Netflix that a breakup can bring, it can also offer you peace of mind, a fresh slate, and a new perspective life. It's definitely easier said than done. At first. But after a few good cries, time to self-reflect, and a test drive of what it's like to lead a fabulously single, college life? You'll be well on your way to healing and bouncing back.