Emotional intelligence is a skill that can make a huge difference in how someone handles adversity in relationships. As we all know, relationships are full of ups and downs, and dealing with these inevitable highs and lows can feel much more manageable when both partners are emotionally intelligent. So, is your partner emotionally intelligent? If the answer is yes, then they will definitely display the attributes of someone who is emotionally aware.
If you're not sure what emotional intelligence means, in a nutshell, it's another way of looking at maturity. And TBH, age and experience don't always guarantee that someone has matured emotionally. "Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others," reports Psychology Today. "It is generally said to include three skills: emotional awareness; the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people."
If your SO exhibits the following five attributes, then it's likely you have an emotionally intelligent bae on your hands — and that is a very good thing for your relationship, folks, so don't take it for granted.
If your partner is emotionally intelligent, then chances are they're able to take responsibility for their own emotions instead of blaming them on others. When we're upset, it can be tempting to displace the source of our discontent onto something our partner did or said, but at the end of the day, it's always important to examine the role we played as well. According to intuitive dating coach Diana Dorell, taking responsibility can be as simple as addressing problematic emotions with an "I feel," instead of a "You made me feel."
Look, no one's perfect. We can all probably think back on disagreements that we could've handled better. However, one of the biggest signs you're dating someone who's got a high level of emotional intelligence is that they know how to fight with maturity. According to Dorell, partners who can deal with a disagreement maturely focus on, "How can we do things differently?" instead of "You did this."
“This is probably what we think of most when we think of emotional intelligence,” Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at UMass Amherst, told Cosmopolitan. “They can read you well — and your moods — without you having to spell it out in excruciating detail. They can tell what’s bothering you at the moment, and what would make you feel good.”
Always having to break down exactly how we're feeling and why can be utterly exhausting, which is why having an SO who's super tuned-in to your inner emotional landscape can be so important. If your partner is always aware of how you're feeling and goes out of their way to put a smile on your face when you're down, they've probably got their emotional intelligence on lock.
Another important pillar of relationships (both romantic and platonic) comprises making and keeping promises, no matter how small. For example, making a commitment to help you paint your room on the weekend, or helping a friend in a fourth floor walk-up move. An emotionally intelligent bae is always aware of how much they can realistically commit to.
“They’ll know their limitations, and they’re not going to get into situations where they’ve really overextended themselves,” said Whitbourne.
"[They're] in touch with what [they're] feeling and its possible impact on [their] partner," psychotherapist Jeffrey Rubin told Elite Daily. Someone who's emotionally intelligent knows what they're feeling, and can talk about their feelings respectfully and concisely. There's no guessing with these folks. They're honest and upfront, which can really come in handy during disagreements or moments of tension.
If it's become clear to you that your SO has stellar emotional intelligence, this is definitely a skill that will keep things in your relationship running smoothly. If not, then that's OK, too! It's always good for a couple to be aware of their strengths and short-comings, both individually and as a unit. This way, you can actively work on any dynamics you'd like to improve upon.
