An Expert Reveals It’s Totally Normal To Not Enjoy Sex The First Time, Here’s Why

by Korey Lane

Imagine this: You've just had sex for the first time, and it was so not like how all those rom-coms made it seem. There was no soft music playing in the background, and no moment of pure ecstasy where your eyes opened wide, perfectly in tune with the music. Truth is, not everyone out there has a good first time, but that shouldn't hold you back from trying again. That's why I asked the experts one not-so simple question: Is it normal to not like sex the first time you have it?

Well, the short answer is, yes. If you're having sex for the first time, then odds are, you might not know exactly what to do. And that's totally fine! Sex is complicated, and it honestly takes some getting used to. "You don’t have to love sex every single time, and if it’s your first time having partnered sex (however you define it), you may not know what to expect or what to do in order to maximize mutual pleasure," Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast tells Elite Daily.

Truly, when it's your first time having sex with someone else, it's totally normal to not enjoy every second of it. But there are some ways you can combat that. More than anything, it's important to remember that there's nothing wrong with you if you don't like sex after the first time you have it. "Some people don’t enjoy sex the first time because emotions and nerves are running so high that they find themselves 'spectator-ing' — analyzing and looking in on the experience like a spectator instead of indulging in the experience itself," O'Reilly explains. "Others don’t enjoy sex for the first time because they’re not sure what to do. Fortunately, sexual skills are learned over the course of a lifetime — it's not something you're born knowing."

"To facilitate a positive first sexual experience," O'Reilly suggests trying three tried and true tricks. First, she says to "experiment on your own." Yes, you know what that means. "Masturbation is one of the best ways to learn about sex and identify what works for you," O'Reilly says. "You can gently guide your partner’s hand (or other body) part once you decide you’re ready for partnered sex." So if you want your first time to be a little less daunting, practice!

Then, O'Reilly recommends trying to have a conversation with your partner about what you're into. "Talk to your partner about what you like," she says. "Send sexy texts describing the things that turn you on or whisper requests in their ear while you’re making out." Sex is meant to be fun and pleasurable for everyone involved, so don't be afraid to ask for what you want.

Lastly, O'Reilly says to remember that there are a lot of factors that go into the sexual experience. "Sex isn’t just a physical experience," she says. "Psychological, emotional and relational elements play significant roles in your pleasure, so you’ll need to invest in communicating and connecting with your partner to ensure a pleasurable first time."

Got that? Practice, communicate, and evaluate what's really going on. A lot of people's first time isn't great, but there are ways to try and make it a little easier on you. Don't worry about not knowing what to do or not loving it that first time — it'll happen eventually! We all deserve great sex, and while it's totally normal to not enjoy your first time, that doesn't mean it's impossible.

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