From getting all of your homework done to studying for finals, there are already a ton of moving pieces that go into being a student. Add healing from a painful breakup to the mix, and it can be natural to feel a little (read: a lot) stressed. Of course, if you have a class with your ex, your stress level may go viral faster than an adorable puppy video.
"Regardless if you miss your ex, were heartbroken, are ticked off, seeing your ex when they are no longer a part of your life is like in some ways seeing a ghost," Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Host of 'The Kurre and Klapow Show,' tells Elite Daily. "They are there in your presence but not in your life, and that can be extremely uncomfortable."
According to Dr. Klapow, even amicable breakups can feel a little awkward. Whether you and your boo dated for a while or were only together for a short time, calling it off with someone is painful.
If you have a class with your ex and you're literally contemplating moving out of the country, here are some tricks to keep you studious, stellar, and a little less stressed.
Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, and well-being coach, notes that because school is a professional environment, it may be helpful to try to be as diplomatic as possible. Though you may want to scream, "You're trash, and I hate you!" every morning, it may be more productive for you to privately ask your teacher if you could switch seats or be on a different group project.
For Winter, it can be helpful to remember your school and career goals. "[Your ex] may not deserve civil behavior, but there's a bigger issue at hand: your success in class," Winter says. "For that reason, alone taking the high road is normally the best approach."
Of course, if you would rather wax your whole body than talk to your ex, Figueroa adds that it's totally OK to dodge them intentionally. "If your relationship was bad, and especially if the breakup was bad, don’t feel like you need to be polite to them," Figueroa says. "It’s OK to ignore terrible exes when you see them." If your class is tiny or you have to do a ton of group projects, it may not always be possible to have the distance you want. Even if you're physically near your ex, you don't need to pretend you like them or that you're at all interested in hearing about their life.
"Do whatever it takes to make going to the class bearable for you," Melamed says. "If you are in a place where limited contact and communication is preferred, create the opportunities to avoid any significant interaction."
"If there is a way that you would prefer that your interactions would be limited, it is totally reasonable to set boundaries with this person," Melamed said. "As it is with anyone else in your life." Whether you let your ex know that you don't want to talk to them, or suggest that you develop a friendly rapport, you get to decide what type of interactions (if any!) feel right for you, and how you'd like to move forward.
"Of course, your boundaries have to be reasonable," Figueroa says. "You can’t expect your ex to not be in class if you’re in class, but if you just don’t want your ex communicating with you in class, then that’s appropriate."
If you're feeling up to clear the air, setting some boundaries with your ex may help you feel more comfortable. Of course, if you're not feeling talking to them, you don't need to feel pressure to be polite. Being the same class as your ex can be a total bummer, but you are a genius angel, and you're going to do your best work no matter who else is there.
Sources:
Demetrius Figueroa, dating and relationship writer and host of "A Mighty Love" podcast
Susan Winter NYC relationship expert, love coach, and author of Breakup Triage: The Cure for Heartache,
Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist and Host of 'The Kurre and Klapow Show,'
Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, and well-being coach tells Elite Daily.