There are few more challenging obstacles in a new relationship than figuring out
how to get your boyfriend to open up to you more. Even if you find yourself trusting and opening up to them early on, your partner might not be quick to reciprocate for a number of reasons. For some people, trusting new partners just doesn't come easily; for others, their desire to maintain a sense of personal space prevents them from welcoming you into their lives more willingly.
certified love coach and host of , adds that sometimes, your partner might be facing a much deeper problem. She tells Elite Daily, "The most common reasons [for not opening up] I see are concern and even fear of judgment, like being guilted or shamed for the things we say or feel. This can be especially true when it comes to the things we want or need physically and sexually from our partner. It can also come from feeling that we don't Ready For Love Radio deserve to be loved or don't deserve other things from our partner, so we don't ask for them."
Whatever your reason for wanting your partner to open up more to you, it's best to proceed with caution so that you don't overwhelm them. It's not unreasonable to feel like you want to get to know them on a deeper level because ultimately, this will strengthen your relationship. You just need to go about it in the right way.
If you feel like your partner has built up a wall between you two, here are three ways you can work with them to break it down.
Assuming your partner is generally a quiet person who keeps to themselves,
opening up about their feelings might not come naturally to them, even if they trust you. Their reluctance to share more of what they're thinking or feeling with you probably has nothing to do with you at all; it's just how they've gotten used to communicating with others.
You can invite them to open up to you by asking more questions like, "How was your day?" or "What are you most looking forward to this weekend?" Try to replace yes or no questions that might stunt your conversation with open-ended ones that encourage more dialogue. Although their responses might be brief at first, keep the conversation going by asking follow-up questions. For example, if they say they've had a busy day, asking them which of their tasks they found particularly grueling is a kind gesture that shows you care to know more about the things that matter to them.
After you've been dating for a few months, you'll get better at reading your partner and interpreting subtle signs like the way they twirl their hair when they're nervous or how abrupt their text messages become when they're upset. You should use these cues to initiate conversations about how your partner is feeling and why, without criticizing them.
Reciprocity in any relationship is key; that's why you're partners in the first place. While it's OK to ask them a few questions to get the conversation started, you should inject your own responses so that they don't feel like they're being interrogated.
Leigh reminds us, "Communication needs to be an open, honest, respectful, two-way street that does not include judgment, shame or guilt." Seeing your vulnerability is likely to make your partner feel more at ease with your connection and more willing to be vulnerable in return.
Leigh says, "Never poke and prod." Your partner might read your insistence to know more about them as a form of emotional bullying or intimidation, making it impossible for them to feel comfortable around you.
Instead, your job is to create a safe and welcoming space for your partner by letting them know you're ready to listen whenever they are ready to share. Make it clear that you will never judge them or question their feelings but that you would love to be there for them as best as you can.
It's always easier to trust someone who is kind and patient with you than someone who is aggressively demanding.
Be Direct About How You Feel
While each of these tactics is useful, the most obvious thing you can do is ask your partner to open up to you. As their partner, you deserve to be let in at some point; otherwise, your relationship with them will never move forward.
Leigh says, "You can start the conversation by opening up to your partner about something you need to know about them." Approach the topic with a positive attitude by explaining why you think this information is crucial to the future of your relationship. If they truly care about you, they will make an effort to address your concerns.
It's like Leigh mentioned earlier on. Communication is a two-way street and you've done your part. Now, it's their turn.
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