For some, it's sudden and all-consuming. For others, it's a slow burn that gradually intensifies over time. Dating can bring out so many beautiful nuances of your personality, and knowing how each Enneagram type falls in love can be beneficial in multiple ways. For one, it can help you to better identify when you're developing some serious feels for someone. Not only that, but it can also help you to figure out when the feeling is mutual.
In order to understand how each type falls in love, it's helpful to get a handle on the Centers of Intelligence. All nine Enneagram personalities are either a Gut Type, a Heart Type, or a Head Type. While every person uses all three at different times, they also have one dominant center. As their name suggests, Gut Types (Ones, Eights, and Nines) tend to act based on their natural instincts. Heart Types (Twos, Threes, and Fours) are generally driven by what their emotions inspire them to do. Head Types (Fives, Sixes, and Sevens) respond to logic and reason — whatever their brains tell them to do.
Knowing whether you're in the Gut, Heart, or Head center can tell you a lot about your approach to dating — from the way you communicate with your crush to how you express your feelings. Here's how every Enneagram type falls in love in their own beautifully unique way.
Ones are all about the pursuit of perfection. They have sky-high standards for themselves, and they don't want to let themselves or anyone else down. So, when a One starts falling, they'll give every move they make careful consideration. Nothing with a One is willy-nilly — they do everything with purpose. That goes for crafting the perf text or knocking it out of the park with their date-planning skills.
Conscientious and ethically-driven, they also really care about doing the right thing. So, yeah, you can probably count on them to text or call when they said they would.
A One is a planner through and through, so if they're super into you, you'll know it when they start pencilling in plans with you even weeks or months down the line.
Twos are known as helpers and caretakers by nature, so when they're falling in love, they'll go into full-on nurturer mode. They'll offer up back rubs after your stressful day, pack you healthy snacks to take to work, and offer up a sounding board or hold space for you when you need to vent. Basically, they'll go above and beyond to make your life easier and better. Twos in love are generous with their time and eager to make you happy (sometimes at their own expense).
Twos care a lot about what their loved ones think of them. So, if they're starting to catch feelings, you may find them asking for your opinion more often, or fishing for compliments.
Without a doubt, the best part about dating a Two is that they'll validate the heck out of you — for example, via ego-boosting texts telling you exactly how amazing you are and why. Just be aware that when a Two showers you with attention and affirmations, they're yearning for the same in return.
Self-assured and ambitious, Threes know what they want. So, once someone's caught their interest, they approach the situation like any one of their other goals: they waste no time in pursuing the object of their affection with confidence and assertiveness.
While Threes approach dating very seriously, it might not be super obvious when they're falling in love because they don't often express their emotions verbally. In fact, they might even deny their feelings — at first. However, actions definitely speak louder than words with this Enneagram type, so pay attention to what they do for, with, and around you.
Their main motivation is to be admired and affirmed, which means that if you've caught their attention, they'll go to great lengths to impress you. That could mean dressing sharp AF when they see you, taking you on an extravagant weekend getaway, sharing their latest career achievements with you, or surprising you with an elaborate gift.
Threes play to win, so they'll be calculated about their every move in order to ensure they successfully steal your heart.
Think of them as the quintessential Heart Type: When a four falls — they are 100% in their feelings. Since they're incredibly emotionally aware, they'll instantly know when they're falling head over heels. Not only that, but you'll be able to tell pretty quickly, too, because a Four isn't afraid of shouting it from the rooftops.
Expressive and introspective, Fours tend to focus a lot of their feelings inward, especially when they're initially grappling with them. They have a flair for the dramatic, so you might find them listening to angsty love songs and writing poems in their journal about their crush.
Fours don't want an ordinary love, though — they have an intense desire to achieve emotional intimacy, so when they fall for you, no topic will be off-limits in conversation. They want to feel like they can fully be themselves with you, so they may start to show off their more eccentric or nerdy side as they seek to strengthen your connection.
Here's the thing about Fives. They're both withdrawn and hyper-perceptive by nature. They need to feel like they've mastered something before they fully take the plunge — and that's true in their love life, too. So, their approach to dating usually entails carefully observing the situation until they can conclude that they feel safe enough to fall.
As a true Head Type, the Five tends to require a lot of alone time and space to sort through their feelings. They definitely won't be one to rush love or dive into a relationship quickly. Instead, they'll approach any dating sitch from an analytical standpoint, painstakingly evaluating the potential risks and rewards, and making sure they have enough information about the other person before deciding to commit to them. Since they're super knowledge-oriented, the Five will probably ask you lots of questions before they let themselves fall.
The Five is less likely to verbalize how much they care about you or pack on the PDA — they have their own special way of showing their feelings for you are growing. Usually, that entails helping you to solve the current problems you're facing and looking for practical ways in which they can help improve your everyday life.
How a Six falls in love really depends on who they're dating. If the person is flaky and unpredictable, that can bring up some of their insecurities. On the other hand, a reliable person who keeps their word can encourage a Six to drop their guard and experience the full potential of their love.
For Sixes, dating can trigger their deep-seated fear of abandonment. The more they fall for someone and invest their heart into that new relationship, the more that anxiety can grow. Their skepticism may get the better of them, and they may begin to worry whether you feel the same way. If you don't text them back, for example, they might be prone to assuming the worst. So, a Six in love will often look for a little extra reassurance to squash their anxiety and self-doubt.
A healthy Six is super endearing, affectionate, and loyal, so as long as they trust you and feel safe with you, you'll have no doubts about their feelings for you.
Sevens don't run from danger — they run toward it. What's interesting is that as part of the Thinking Triad, deep down they're actually driven by fear. But the way that they deal with fear is by directing out outward and reframing uncomfortable scenarios as something fun and exciting. This applies to how they approach their love life, too — with boundless courage and enthusiasm.
Curious, fun-loving Sevens treat love like an adventure. Not only will they want to know about all your passions and the things that make you tick, but they'll want to experience them with you. Meanwhile, they'll be eager to show you their world — whether that means teaching you how to surf or bringing you along on a spontaneous hike.
By nature, scatter-brained Sevens may seem commitment-averse, but that's not at all to say that they can't or don't have long-term serious relationships. It just takes someone special to command their full attention. If they're really smitten with you, you'll know it — because they'll want to make sure you have the most fun possible and push you out of your comfort zone in any given situation.
Eights like to be in control. As such, when they start developing feels for someone, their assertive, take-charge nature will come out. They won't shy away from being the first one to text or call you, and they'll gladly take initiative in scheduling dates.
Self-confident, direct, and decisive, Eights are rarely wishy-washy, so you likely won't have to guess if they're into you. They'll show it by consistently communicating and making plans.
BTW, while Eights may seem tough on the outside, they're actually big softies deep down. When an Eight starts to show you their playful, silly, or child-like side — that's when you'll know they're in deep.
If patience is a virtue, then Nines deserve some serious props. They're definitely not ones to put any pressure on a romantic situation — they're just content to go with the flow.
Warm, easy-going and non-judgmental, Nines open themselves up to love in a way that's truly unique. They not only accept their own feelings with ease but can sense and reassure you about yours as well. Once they begin falling in love with you, they'll be eager to create a safe space where you feel comfortable being totally yourself and telling them anything.
Nines are driven by a strong desire to avoid conflict and maintain harmony at all costs, so they may also be overly agreeable and accommodating — especially in the early stages of falling for someone. Since they're prone to idealizing their partner, they'll probably have a hard time seeing you as anything less than perfect in the early stages of dating.
This article was originally published on
