Experts Reveal What Questions Your Partner May Avoid If They're Cheating, So Pay Attention
Unfortunately, cheating happens. Sometimes, people do it once. Other times, it becomes a habit. Whether you and your partner have been together for a few months, or for a few years, being cheated on is never a fun feeling. If you have reason to believe your partner may be cheating on you, first off, stay calm. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, because it may not be what you think. But if your intuition just can't shake that something's off, keep an eye out for the questions your partner may avoid if they're cheating. With this in mind, you'll know how to approach the situation if you feel like they're hiding something.
Before diving into it, remember: If your partner avoids any of these questions, it doesn't mean they are definitely cheating on you. "If you feel he or she is hiding something once, it may be nothing," Pricilla Martinez, online life coach at Blush, tells Elite Daily. "They probably don't want to involve you at that particular moment. However, a pattern of hiding things or lying is a more deep-rooted issue." If you do start to notice a pattern in your partner's behavior, that's a different story. But, more on that later.
1. Why didn't you answer your phone?
If your partner's been cheating on you, and lying their way through it, it could be difficult for them to keep track of everything they've told you. "Someone who is cheating wants to avoid sharing too many details so they don't get caught in a lie," Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Elite Daily. "Also, they may try to make you feel crazy for asking these questions as a way of deflecting from having to answer, such as 'What, now I have to answer your calls 24/7?'"
This deflection from your partner could be a sign that there's something they feel defensive about. "It's less about the questions themselves, and more about how they answer the questions," Elle Huerta, CEO and founder of heartbreak recovery app Mend, tells Elite Daily. "Are they dismissive, or vague, or do they get defensive/angry quickly? These can be red flags, though they don't necessarily mean the person is cheating. It's really important to pay attention to your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't."
2. Why don't you talk about ____ anymore? Why are you so into ____ all of a sudden?
"One sign that a partner is cheating is a change in behavior. So, they might have talked frequently about someone before, and now stopped talking about them, or started doing something new," Chlipala explains. "It can be working out, eating healthier, taking care with their appearance, etc."
But, not every new habit means your partner is being unfaithful. "Some new habits can be attributed to someone's growth," Martinez says. So, don't freak out. Just because bae suddenly took an interest in badminton, doesn't mean your relationship is in trouble.
3. Who were you with? And where?
"Partners [who may be cheating] tend to avoid specific details when describing things, for example, who they’re spending time with, where they’re spending that time, and how they know them," Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman, tells Elite Daily. "Oftentimes, when asked about those details, they’ll skim through them, making you think they don’t matter."
But, just because your partner skirts around something once or twice doesn't mean they're cheating on you. Maybe they want to do something special for you, or maybe they have their own personal issues that they don't want to involve you in just yet. But, if your partner skirting around details becomes a pattern, like Martinez says, there may be more to the story.
4. Something seems different. What's going on?
At the beginning of a new relationship, it may be hard to tell if something's different with your partner. But, once you've been with someone long enough to know their tells — when they're upset, distracted, sad — it's easy to know when something's going on.
"They may deflect or blame others for their changes when questioned," Martinez says. "If their reasoning or justification appears to be out of character, that sets off some red flags. Emotions on either side of the spectrum are definitely a sign that something is out of sorts."
5. How was work?
Your partner's avoidance of this question is very situational, Martinez says. So, if bae came home from work yesterday and didn't want to talk about their day, don't fret. "Perhaps things aren't going well at work," she explains. "Be careful to jump to conclusions." But, "if they are involved with anyone from work, they [also] may avoid questions relating to their job." It depends really, but she stresses that your partner not wanting to talk about work at home could just be because they've had a long day, and would rather not bring their work concerns home.
If you feel like your SO may be purposely going out of their way to avoid these questions, both experts suggest approaching your partner about the subject in a non-accusatory way. "Keeping it to just the facts and specific feelings will keep it from escalating to a screaming match," Edwards says. "The best way is to be real and raw about what’s going on. Start by sharing how you’re feeling and why you are feeling this way. Then ask if your why is correct. In the event they’re not being honest, you share where your boundaries have been crossed (dishonesty), how it makes you feel, and what will the consequences be if it continues."
Martinez advises not to bring the subject of infidelity up if you haven't noticed a pattern in their behavior. Meaning, if your partner acts suspicious once or twice, don't assume it's because they're cheating on you. But, if their suspicious behavior becomes a constant thing, "make sure when you address them, you’re not accusing them of anything. Putting them on the defense is only going to make them want to protect themselves even more. Have a conversation, remain calm, hear them out. You want to make sure that they are comfortable and trust you enough to be open. Once you've heard all they have to say, you can make an informed decision on what your next steps are going to be."
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