Does Your Relationship Lack Passion? Here's How You'll Know You Need More Oomph
In the early stages of a relationship, every touch can feel electric. Every kiss you share with your partner can make you feel like the human version of the heart-eyes emoji. Even every hug can make you feel beyond safe. But as the relationship goes on, you might notice that electricity begin to fizzle. Not necessarily disappear, but definitely calm. That's totally normal. However, there is a difference between being comfortable and a complete loss of passion. So, does your relationship lack passion? Or are you and your partner simply adjusting to a new normal in your relationship?
According to sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr, passion is driven by two things at the beginning of your relationship: the excitement of getting to know someone new, and the hormones that get released as a result. "Passion, at this stage, is driven by external forces, and it often feels like you're being taken on a wild ride with your partner," Fehr tells Elite Daily. During this time, passion happens to you, she says. "You're spontaneously touching and holding hands, reaching out to find out how your partner is doing, being curious about them," Fehr continues. "And you're naturally taking emotional risks with your partner as you open up to let them get to know you, and vice versa."
As the relationship transitions out of the honeymoon phase and you and your partner start coming out of your own little love bubble, that's when you may start to notice the passion has faded a bit. "The hormones calm down, the emotions stabilize, the relationship settles, and couples naturally find themselves with less passion," Fehr explains. This change can be rough because couples might be unprepared for it. In the beginning, you and your partner were at the mercy of passion, and now you have to create it, she continues. "Having your partner be the focus of your attention, spending quality time together, exploring touch and physical play, and taking risks with each other [now] all have to be done intentionally," Fehr says.
So, how do you know if your relationship needs more passion? Well, you may start to notice you're not spending as much time together, you don't seem as interested in each other's lives, and your relationship has kind of plateaued, Fehr says. But you may also notice a lack of passion in your sex life, Kim Anami, sex and relationship expert, tells Elite Daily. "Do you have sex less than twice a week?" she asks. "Are you just going through the motions? Do you rationalize that you and your partner are such 'good buddies and partners'?"
Another way you may be able to tell if your relationship is lacking passion is if "you would rather spend time alone rather than together," Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Elite Daily. Having ups and downs is normal in a relationship, Levine explains, but it's when there are extreme highs or extreme lows that you might need to put in the work to reignite the passion between you. "Relationships are a journey, it's the self-awareness that's important to keep the level of passion keeping you moving along and getting it back when there's a detour," Levine says.
The best way to address a lack of passion in your relationship is to sit your partner down and talk to them about it. "Talk about how you want to treat your sex life like an ever-evolving thing," Anami advises. "Agree to make it in your top three list of priorities in your lives. Then, follow through. Commit to weekly extended sex dates and weekends away with just the two of you." She suggests doing something new and different. "Shift toward passion — whether it's [by] trying something new, asking for what you want, need or desire, or doing something novel together to up your dopamine," Levine suggests.
"The reality is that we're constantly changing and evolving, and what matters is what's happening in the moment with you and your partner," Fehr says. "Being in the moment with your partner is what creates that sense of presentness where the rest of the world simply fades away." And finding yourself in that happy place where the rest of the world fades away, like it used to in the beginning of your relationship, can be incredibly important when it comes to reigniting that passion. So, find that bubble again, and even after the honeymoon phase ends, let yourselves escape to it from time to time and just be together. It can work wonders.