How To Know The Spark In Your Relationship Has Died, According To Experts
In the early stages of a relationship, you and your partner may find yourselves completely wrapped up in each other — spending most of your free time together and talking or texting every waking moment you don't spend together. As the relationship becomes more serious it's normal for that spark to fade, but there's a difference between the honeymoon phase being over, and the relationship just not working anymore. How to know the spark in your relationship has died can be tricky and often varies from relationship to relationship, but according to three experts, there are a few tell-tale ways to know if the spark has fizzled out.
But first, what does it even mean if the spark in your relationship has died, and why does it happen? Basically it means that the thing that once drew you to your partner may not be there anymore. You may begin to feel like you're in a relationship with a stranger. "Someone who doesn’t make your heart race like it once did, someone who doesn’t look at you with love and longing in their eyes," dating and relationship writer Demetrius Figueroa tells Elite Daily. "What may have once felt like a passionate, loving, caring relationship can start to feel like an obligation." As for the why this happens, it varies from couple to couple, like most things in relationships do. "Usually, it’s some combination of a lack of effort, a loss of attraction, or just growing apart," he says.
If something feels off in your relationship, or something is missing, the spark you and bae once had may be fizzling out. "It's a feeling. You may start feeling attracted to someone else or not minding if your partner isn’t around," life coach Nina Rubin tells Elite Daily. "You may value more free time. You realize you don’t need to be in the relationship, and you’ll be fine." Frank Kermit, dating coach at FrankTalks.com, takes it one step further. He tells Elite Daily it's "more than a feeling of lacking. When a couple stops making the little extra efforts for each other. They stop trying as hard. They get comfortable, and no longer make the efforts to look good for each other, to consider each other, to do little things for each other," that's when you can tell the spark may be fading.
It's important to note that while the spark in your relationship may have died, that doesn't mean it has to be the end of you and bae. Some couples can make a relationship work without that initial spark that first drew them to each other. You just have to find a way to work with your partner and "find ways to cope and stay together," Kermit explains. It is possible, but "if your personalities just simply don’t mesh romantically," Rubin says, there may not be much more you can do to salvage the relationship, unfortunately.
The spark may also die out because you and your partner are growing individually, as people. And if the people you've evolved into don't mesh as well as your past selves, you may grow apart. "The person you were when you entered into a relationship may not be the same person a year into a relationship," Figueroa says. "The same holds true for your partner. People grow and change, and sometimes, the spark in a relationship dies because a couple grows in two different directions." And that's life. Sometimes, the people we want in our lives forever just aren't meant to be around that long.
If you're trying to figure out if the spark in your relationship is dying, Figueroa advises asking yourself if you've noticed any changes in your partner or your relationship in general. "Look for tell-tale signs like a lack of romantic interest, a lack of desire for affection, or your partner wanting to spend less and less time with you," he says. And remember: Just because this relationship may not work out, doesn't mean another won't. Your forever is out there, it just may not be the person you're with right now.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!