Falling in love with someone who loves you back is the best feeling in the world. When you're first together, everything is new and thrilling and fresh, and the passion is effortless. If you're really lucky, that relationship will become a lasting one — one in which your lives will naturally mesh as you bond. It's a beautiful thing, but bad news: That's when the real work starts — aka relationship maintenance. Over time, that early passion becomes less effortless and it takes a bit more work to keep things hot, but bringing back the spark in your relationship is totally achievable, if you and your partner are willing to do the work.
To find out how to keep the romance and heat of your relationship alive, Elite Daily reached out to experts for advice. And here's the good news: Not only is the end result worth fighting for, but the things you need to do to get there are pretty amazing on their own. They bring back the sexy in your relationship, and can really help bring the two of you closer on multiple levels and strengthen your bond. In other words, if your relationship seems to have lost its spark, it doesn't mean it’s on its death bed. It's actually about to be better than ever. Here's how to make that happen.
1. Kiss Longer And More Often
The first step in bringing back the heat in your relationship, according to certified love coach and host of Ready for Love Radio Nikki Leigh, is to get back to the basics: kissing. Yep, Leigh says it’s time to get your smooch on. “I don't mean the little pecks on the cheek, I want you to really kiss your partner,” she says. “Did you know the first sign of a relationship in trouble is that you stop kissing your partner? So, make a point to kiss your partner for at least five-10 seconds every single day.”
2. Be More Physically Affectionate
Another simple way to start rebuilding the intimacy and passion in your relationship is by simply reaching out and touching your partner more often. Leigh tells Elite Daily that this doesn’t have to be an erotic or sexual touch, but just simple physical affection that will help you to reconnect with one another. “You can do this anywhere, even at a restaurant or a meeting,” says Leigh. “Take your partner's hand and caress their hand with yours. You can run you fingers along the base of their hair and play with their hair and their shoulders. These are very simple, but they are playful and intimate and build a closeness with your partner that you can enjoy anywhere and any time.”
3. Go On Actual Dates Again
When was the last time the two of you planned a special occasion to just spend time together? I’m talking about actually putting some time on the calendar where the both of you get ready and go out and do something together. It’s easy to get comfortable in a relationship and forget to set aside time to just connect. “You should always have date nights with your partner - even if you've been together for 20 or 30 years,” says Leigh, and you should do so regularly.
If all of that sounds like a lot of work, then sex therapist Rachel Hoffman suggests making date night a weekly event, and taking turns being responsible for planning the date and making it a surprise. "This way there is excitement guaranteed each week and the obligation doesn't fall on one partner to make it happen," Hoffman says. "Date night is extremely important. Remembering the foundation of the relationship and why you are choosing one another is essential in recreating the spark.”
4. Focus On Emotional Intimacy
The end goal may seem like it’s re-igniting the physical intimacy part of your relationship, but in order to make that happen, Leigh says you also really need to focus on emotional intimacy as well.
“Relationships need intimacy: mental, emotional and physical. If any of these are missing in your relationship, you need to work together and with a professional coach or therapist to figure out why and restore that to your relationship," she says. "They can fade over time and you may not even realize its happening. But, once you start working on bringing the intimacy back to your relationship, you will notice the difference.”
5. Schedule An Appointment With A Sex Therapist
If everything but your sex life is solid in the relationship, Hoffman also suggests calling in a specialist, and by that I mean a sex therapist. “Going to sex therapy for sensate therapy is a great way to help the spark in a relationship,” explains Hoffman. “A sex therapist can work a couple through different exercises that will increase emotional and physical intimacy. Worksheets and intimacy exercises can help a couple re-learn each other's bodies and get to know each other on a deeper level.” Finally, some homework you’ll want to do.
6. Get Your Sext On
Hoffman has one more suggestion for helping to bring back the sexy in your relationship, and this one is going to be fun: Start sexting your partner.
She says this works because, “when you tease your partner and create a visual fantasy for them throughout the day, it can be a way to increase excitement on a daily basis. There is also an element of naughtiness if you are at work when you receive a sext. This can reignite the flame.” If you’re not sure what to send, well, don’t worry — we have some saucy suggestions for you.
So there you have it! If you feel like the passion between you and your partner is waning, there are some great techniques to help re-ignite them, and have a lot of naughty fun in the process.
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