If the movies No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits have taught us anything — because let's face it, they both have essentially the same plot — it's that even the most well-intentioned FWB situation can be ruined by those pesky little things called feelings. It makes sense to eventually start feeling some type of way about someone you're hooking up with on the reg, but that doesn't stop catching feels from potentially complicating your agreement. That's why these seven honest phases of developing feelings for your hookup buddy are so real.
You shouldn't blame yourself. In fact, you can point the finger at biology. Oxytocin (the love hormone) is released during orgasm. Women naturally produce more oxytocin than men, so they are more likely to experience feelings of closeness and love for a partner after getting physical. And unfortunately, women's bodies can't distinguish between someone who is afraid of commitment and a person who could be your perfect match. Oxytocin affects men too, but not to the same extent. Some guys release the hormone when they orgasm, while others don't.
Falling for a no-strings-attached hookup happens more often than most people would probably like to admit, and yet every time it goes pretty much the same way. Best case scenario, your hookup buddy is into you too, and you ride off into the sunset together on matching white horses. More likely, though, the experience looks a little something like this.
You match with someone on a dating app or meet at a bar, and instantly feel sparks flying between you. You flirt, and the physical tension continues to build. They come over or you go to their place, maybe under the pretense of "hanging out." Or you skip the charade altogether and head straight to the bedroom. The chemistry is great, and you're both down to do it again soon.
In the beginning, your FWB is always the one to hit you up. You get that "wyd?" text, and you have the luxury of choosing to get laid or deciding that going over to their place isn't worth it and pretending to already be asleep. Soon, though, you start getting these strange urges to message them first. And the scariest part is that it's not always about hooking up. Sometimes you're not even horny, but you see a meme that reminds you of them and just have to send it their way.
You start to notice how often your hookup buddy brings up their ex in casual conversation. Once they let slip her name, you can't help but look her up on Instagram. She's really pretty, and OK, there are still some photos of them together on her page. But whatever, it's not like you care. You're strictly friends with benefits.
Their name pops up on your phone and your stomach does this weird thing. Was that sushi you had at lunch not as fresh as the restaurant claimed? Or maybe you're already hungry again? You ignore the sensation and open the text, which includes a flirty greeting and a few select emojis. You suddenly feel like you're on a rollercoaster again. That's when you realize it — you've caught feelings.
Soon, you've lost all control. You're laughing at their stupidest jokes, talking about them to anyone who will listen, and texting or snapping them almost every day. They text and snap back, but you can't tell if it's more out of lust or boredom. As hard as you try, you can't stop yourself from thinking that maybe this could turn into to a real relationship.
Late one night, you're a little tipsy and you send them the perfect text. It's leading, but not too obvious. In fact, maybe it's even too subtle. "So, what are we?" OK, maybe you're a little more than tipsy. Somehow that sounded much more coy before you sent it. They shoot back a "?" and you try to play it off. "Haha nvm sorry. I'm drunk." By the end of the (very short) conversation, they've made it clear that they're not looking for more than a hookup.
You try not to be upset. After all, you knew what this was going in. But that hope of "something more" always ends up creeping in. Slowly, you lose touch. The time in between your hangouts grows longer and longer until you realize haven't seen them in weeks. They still send the occasional Snap, but you can tell it wasn't meant only for you. You get back on various dating apps and start swiping again.
Soon, you come across the profile of someone who appears to be exactly your type. Their bio reads, "not looking for anything serious." You swipe right anyway, because what do you have to lose? The words "It's a match!" pop up on your screen. Here you go again...
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