Why Women Should Message Guys First, According To Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe


"Everything we do at Bumble is driven by female empowerment. We want to inspire and encourage women to make the first move in all aspects of their lives," Whitney Wolfe, CEO of the dating app Bumble, tells Elite Daily.

Feminist dating? Sign me up. (Just kidding, I'm already signed up and have dates tonight and Thursday.)

Whitney Wolfe is the perfect example of how the best revenge is living well. Wolfe, initially a co-founder of Tinder, left the company after suing for sexual harassment (Tinder settled) and ended up creating Bumble, the more feminist, female-friendly dating app that allows women to safely take control over their dating life.

I asked Wolfe how the concept of women messaging men has changed dating. How do women feel making that first move? How do men feel about getting hit on?

She explains,

And it's true. I know for me, I've spent a lot of my life waiting for something to happen: a guy to say hello, text, call, decide he likes me.

Bumble reminds women that they have the power in the relationship. It's not about pursuing or being pursued, but about reminding yourself that you don't need to just wait around for someone to choose you.

"Bumble has created a safe and positive environment for women to engage with men. It's not about being an aggressor, but rather about meeting new people on your terms, and based on what you're interested in," Wolfe says.

But for some women, the idea of "hitting" on a man can feel unnatural. Whether it be through societal gender constructs, advice our moms or grandmothers taught us, or self-help books like The Rules, we've been taught time and time again that we are supposed to sit around and wait politely until men decide they're interested.

Wolfe has something to say to people who are still stuck in the archaic notion that men should be the pursuers, or that women going after men is "unladylike":

Yes, queen. We can reverse the stigma with sex-positive, feminist apps like Bumble.

But I couldn't help but pause and ask amidst all the talk of feminism: For real, what should I say to start a conversation when I match with someone on Bumble?

A tip from the CEO of Bumble herself: "Try something nice to start, [like] 'Hi, how are you?' Or ask about something that's in their bio or profile pictures — a hobby or interest. Never hurts to send a compliment too!"