If you've ever held up the line at a Just Salad, completely overwhelmed by the toppings, asking the cashier for their opinions on dressing, you're probably familiar with the stress of indecision. It's not always easy to know what you want,
especially when it comes to dating. So, after a very OK first date, it's completely natural if you literally don't know if you want to see them again. Still, in the name of honesty, knowing some texts to send after a mediocre first date can keep everyone on the same page — even if you're not sure what page that is.
You never need to feel pressure to instantly know exactly what you want from a relationship. Maybe you're newly single and you're not sure if you're ready to date again. Maybe your date said something moderately questionable about politics and you're not sure if it was a deal-breaker. Maybe you think you'd rather be friends. Whatever the case, if your date clearly wants to go for round two and you're not sure that you're in — it can be considerate to be as honest as possible.
Here are five texts to send if
you're not sure you want a second date, but are also not sure you don't want a second date. Hey Joe. Thanks for dinner the other night, and for the text this morning. The craft beer street festival next week sounds fun, I'll look at my schedule and get back to you!
If your date literally asked you on another date or they mentioned something fun they're doing next week and extended an invite, a text expressing your interest but still leaving it open (i.e. not fully committing to another date) can give you some time to think about what you want to do next. Maybe the day of the event you'll get a burst of energy and be totally down. Or maybe the day before you'll realize you have bed bugs, debate moving to Paraguay, or take a break from dating forever. Whatever the case, if you're not sure what you want to do next, tell your date you'll get back to them. (But then
do get back to them, even if you're saying no.) It was awesome to finally get that post-work drink and hearing about your time in Paris. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to make your show tonight, but I'll let you know if I end up going to that office party.
Framing a text around letting your date know when you're doing something lets you decide how you want the relationship to move forward. If they live next door to your favorite vintage shop or you go to the same gym, tell your date you'll let them know the next time you're in the area. Of course, if you realize you're not trying to go on another date, and it's pretty clear that they are — you may want to be clear about what type of hangout you're looking for, especially if you will run into them.
I don't know what I want.
To be completely transparent — I'm not sure what I'm looking for right now. I don't want to string you along, and I had a great time the other night, but I'm going to need a few days before making future date plans.
Being clear about what you're feeling can be scary, but it's the only way to ensure that everyone is on the same page. If your date made it clear that they were looking for a serious relationship or they expressed interest in seeing you again, you may want to add that you totally understand if they're not interested in waiting for you to sort out your feelings. You can have a good first date with someone but ultimately, be looking for different things. You can have a string of amazing dates and then realize you're not super into it. You're totally allowed to change you mind or to be confused, but keeping your date in the loop is important.
I'm not sure what type of connection I'm looking for.
I had a lot of fun at the movies yesterday, and you seen super cool. I'm interested in getting to know you more, but honestly, right now, I'm not sure what type of connection I'm looking for. I think I'd be more comfortable moving forward as friends, and seeing what happens from there.
You can enjoy spending time with someone but still be confused about how you'd like to move forward. Framing the text around not knowing what type of connection you're looking for can let you express that you do like them, or that you enjoyed your first date, but you're not sure how you want to move forward. If you're thinking you may want to keep hanging out but as friends or if you're open to seeing what's there, but just need some time to process — it can be helpful to say that to your date before agreeing to date number two.
Hey Gina. It was great watching the game the other night. Thank you for the invitation to drinks! I'm still recovering from my last breakup, and I think I need a few days before making plans. Can I let you know what I'm feeling? I totally understand if you're looking for something a little more solid.
Framing a text around asking your date if they're OK giving you a few days means making it clear that they don't have to wait for you to make up your mind if they're already set on theirs. If
they thought the date went really well and were totally sure that they wanted to see you again, they probably won't be super excited to hear that you're not sure if you want to see them. Obviously you never need to go on another date if you didn't feel a connection and it's totally OK not to know exactly how you're feeling. However, acknowledging that you don't expect them to wait for you to figure out what you want can help you both find the connections you are looking for.
If you went on a pretty mediocre first date, it's totally natural to be unsure if you want to go on another. You never need to feel pressure to agree to a second date if you aren't totally sure you want to go. Still, when figuring out what you want, it can be kind to keep everyone on the same page. Sending your date an honest text can nip any potential mixed messages, while keeping that door open.