Letting someone down with tact and honesty is key.
As clichéd as it may sound, sometimes you meet someone and know right away you're better off as "just friends." While it might seem daunting at first, letting someone know that you think you’d be better off as pals is actually super mature. It means you knew yourself well enough to recognize that the good energy, convos that flowed easily, and shared taste in music would be a perfect foundation for a platonic relationship — but not a romantic one. Good for you! Now the next step is figuring out how to tell someone you just want to be friends.
When it comes to rejection texts to send if you want to be friends, you've got to strike the right balance. You'll want to be straight-up (so there's no room for confusion) and civil enough to leave the door open for friendship. As dating coach Erika Ettin previously told Elite Daily, "The two keys are tact and honesty when letting someone down. While someone might be disappointed that you don't want to go out again, [they] can't really be angry at you for feeling, or not feeling, how you do."
If you’re not sure how to tell someone you want to be friends through text, then here are some messages you can use to reject someone gently after the first date — while still sparking a potential friendship.
For starters, you can send the other person a text that simply touches on the fact that you'd rather just be friends. Make sure you can acknowledge you did have a good time and you'd like to have more good times with them in the future — but you want to do that as friends, not lovers. By mentioning that the connection you felt wasn't romantic, you can strike up a convo about your platonic chemistry.
- Hi! I had fun last night, but I don't think we have romantic chemistry. I'd still like to be friends, though.
- Hey, just wanted to follow up about our date. I'm sorry, but I just don't feel a romantic connection. I am interested in a friendship with you, though.
- Last night was great, but I’m not interested in you romantically. However, I do want to keep hanging out with you, because I really do want to be your friend.
- I'm flattered and happy you had a good time last night, but I'm not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. That said, I’d definitely like to be your friend.
- I’m going to be honest: I didn’t feel a spark during our date. I could totally see us hanging as friends, though, if that’s something you’re into.
If you're not comfortable with a text so short, you can give them more context to why your date lacked chemistry (though remember you don't actually owe them anything). However, you should tread carefully. As psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman previously told Elite Daily, "We all know rejection is part of the game, but self-esteem and confidence shouldn't take a hard hit when you turn someone down." When giving reasons why you're better off as friends, you should not go in on them, but you can be honest — especially if there's a specific reason your date lacked chemistry or compatibility that you picked up on.
- Hey! I've thought about our date a lot and I think we'd be better off as friends for [reason].
- Thank you for following up on the date. I had a lot of fun, but I'm not interested in continuing our relationship in the romantic sense because [reason]. I hope you understand. Do you still want to be friends?
- While we were on our date, I got the sense that we might work better as friends because [reason]. Would you be open to giving that a shot?
- As much fun as I had with you on our date, I felt more of a friendship vibe with you for [reason]. What would you think of hanging out as friends?
- Last night was a blast, but because [reason], I think we should try hanging out just as friends next time.
Lastly, you can take a sweet approach. “If you can include some kind of compliment, it can soften the blow,” Dr. Edelman previously told Elite Daily. You don't have to give the other person an explanation, and you absolutely don't have to make up a nice trait about the other person if you're not feeling it. That being said, if there is something you like about them that makes you still want to be their friend? It wouldn't hurt to put that in your text.
In a sense, including what you like about them can confirm for them that yes, you did hit it off — just platonically. It can also remind them that there's nothing wrong with them, but you two are just not romantically compatible.
- I think that you're a [complimentary adjective] person that I like for [reasons]. That being said, I just didn't feel any romantic chemistry between us, so I think we're better off as friends. Are you open to that?
- I loved bonding with you over [subject] last night, but I feel like we may be better off as just friends. Would you be down to do [activity] sometime?
- It’s so amazing to find someone who loves [subject] as much as I do. To be totally honest, I didn’t feel a spark last night, but I really love to keep hanging as friends.
- It’s clear from our date that you’re a [complimentary adjective] person, and I really admire that. While I wasn’t totally feeling a romantic vibe, I think we could make really great friends.
- Even though I didn’t feel a romantic connection between us on our date, I loved how [complimentary adjective] you are, and I’d love to see you again as friends. Would you be open to that?
The biggest thing to keep in mind when crafting this text is say what you'd want to hear if you were on the receiving end of it. “Ideally, you want to treat others the way you want to be treated," Dr. Edelman said. "It's one way we can all make the world a better place.” Trying to figure out how to tell a guy you just want to be friends can be tough, but as long as you do it with tact and honesty, then you can’t go wrong.
Experts:
Erika Ettin, dating coach
Dr. Susan Edelman, psychiatrist
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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