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4 Tips For Talking To Your Partner About Bringing A Toy Into The Bedroom


From learning more about your body's erogenous zones to adding some extra stimulation, a little sex toy can go a long way. Though you may enjoy some solo time with your favorite vibrator, adding a toy into partnered sex can add some extra fun for everyone. If you're thinking of trying something different between the sheets, these tips for talking to your partner about using sex toys in the bedroom will really let the good vibes (and vibrators) roll.

"While sex toys are awesome for solo-sex, they're not exclusively relegated to masturbation," Gigi Engle, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, tells Elite Daily. "We have to stop boxing our sexual playtime into corners. Sex toys are for every kind of sexual play and can be used in so many ways to enhance partnered sex." At risk of sounding like a barefoot frat boy at a Dave Matthews concert, I'm all about maximizing the #goodvibes.

And if you're looking to add a little something-something to your sex life, these four tips for talking to your boo about inviting your favorite toy to the party may really come in handy.

Remind them it's not a replacement.

Listen, if your sex life were a make-your-own sundae party, you'd get to pick all the toppings you want. Toys and partners aren't an either-or choice; it's an "all of the above" situation. "Sex toys should be seen as a gift to your sex life, not a threat," Engle says. "There's a stigma around sex toys as if they could 'replace' a partner during sex, and that is just bogus thinking. They're designed to be played with, experimented with, and used to make toe-curling orgasms happen for both penis and vulva-owning folk."

According to Engle, toys can increase intimacy and climax for everyone involved. If your partner is feeling a little insecure about bringing a toy into the bedroom, try reminding them it's not a competition. It's just added stimulation for you both.

Use some positive (and sexy) affirmation.

Sex can be a super touchy subject. Maybe you know your partner is a little insecure about doing the dirty, or they could always use a tiny confidence boost (who couldn't!). Framing your needs or desires with positive (and sexy) affirmations can help them feel super supported as you try new things. "You can say, 'Babe. You're such an amazing kisser, and I love having sex with you. I think I'd have more orgasms if we brought my vibrator into the bedroom. We have such hot sex, and I think it would be so sexy to experiment more,'" Engle says.

As Engle shares, starting and ending the convo with something sexy and positive can help your boo feel confident as you discuss adding toys. Rather than saying, "My vibrator gets me more than you ever will," something like, "I love how your body feels, and I think it would be super hot to add a toy in," can make your boo feel excited about experimenting.

Talk about toys designed for couples.

If your boo isn't super familiar with sex toys, they may have no idea what's out there. Whether they're holding onto some misconceptions about vibrators or they only know about vagina-centered toys, talking about toys designed for couples or for their body may help them get on your sexy wavelength.

"Many toys are designed with partner-play in mind," Engle says. "The Womanizer Premium, for example, has a long base so you can hold the toy over the clitoris (designed to mimic oral sex) while having penetrative intercourse. The Aneros Trident prostate massage can be inserted to enhance oral sex or intercourse for penis-owners, giving them double the pleasurable sensations."

Whether you check out a toy that you can slide between your rockin' bods as you're getting it on or check out some penis-centered play, talking about toys you both can use can help them join in on the fun.

Keep it simple.

If you're just dipping your toes into the sex toy pool or you just want to be low-key about adding a toy, Engle suggests starting with something low-key and visually pleasing. "Don't pick some frightening phallic monster dildo," Engle says. "Choose something small and even cute." Whether you go for something with a Marie Kondo minimalist aesthetic (I super suggest the Maude Vibe) or try out a little finger vibes situation, like the Dame Fin, adding a simple toy between the sheets can make your sex life all types of vibrant.

No matter what you and your boo are into, adding a toy can be a great way to switch up your sex life. Of course, it's imperative to talk about consent and intentions before getting to it. Though experimenting can be sexy and fun, ensuring everyone's comfort and safety is most important. Whether you reacher for a little finger vibe or add some extra stimulation during oral, a toy between the sheets is something everyone can get behind.