4 Things You'll Notice If Your Partner Doesn't Like Your Best Friend, So Take Notes
Your best friend and your partner are probably two of the most important people in your life. Your BFF has been by your side forever, and your partner is this wonderful person who makes you so happy. But what if your two favorite people don't love each other as much as they love you? Or, if your BFF is doing everything they can to get to know and love your SO, but bae isn't returning the favor? There are several things you'll notice if your partner doesn't like your best friend, so keep an eye out if you want to stop the drama before it starts.
Figuring out how to approach the topic with your partner can be tricky. You love them, but you love your BFF too, and you want them to have a good relationship. If you start to notice any of the following things, it may be best to sit your partner down and talk to them about it. "Try to have the conversation without necessarily judging your partner, but more in the spirit of sharing what you are observing in their actions and behaviors related to your best friend," Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent relationship therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. "You genuinely want to convey the message that you are trying to put yourself in your partner's shoes, so that you can better understand their experience."
Be on the lookout for these four things if you suspect your sweetheart isn't your best friend's biggest fan.
1. Your partner avoids spending time with your BFF.
"Your partner finds reasons not to be in the company of your best friend," Dr. Brown says. Maybe it seemed innocent at first. Bae just had "something to do" the last three times you tried to make plans with them and your best friend. It's totally OK for you and your partner to do things separately, but if you start to notice that your SO is busy every single time you want to hang out with both of them at the same time, that could be a sign that they might not like your ride-or-die.
2. Your partner is jealous of your BFF.
It's not just your friends who may get jealous when you start spending a lot of your time with your partner. Sometimes, parters get jealous of best friends, too. "Perhaps they actually like your best friend but feel threatened by them," Dr. Brown points out. "Odds are, you've known your best friend longer than your partner, so you have to take that into account."
3. Your partner doesn't like it when you spend time with your BFF.
So, you had plans with your best friend that your boo definitely knew about. But then they come out of nowhere with these kick*ss tickets for your favorite sports team's rivalry game this weekend. Sure, your friend would probably understand if it's a one-time thing, but what if it becomes a habit? Or maybe, instead of hijacking your friend time, bae gets in a ~mood~ whenever you make plans with your best friend. This may be an indicator that "your partner resents the time you spend with your best friend," Dr. Brown says.
4. Your partner wants nothing to do with your BFF.
You may have noticed "your partner goes in the other room when you are talking with your best friend," Dr. Brown says. Or they do "an eye-roll when you are on the phone" with them. They may even take it to the next level and make "derogatory comments about your friend — possibly based in reality or not." These could all be your partner's way of passive aggressively showing you they don't really like your best friend, for whatever reason.
So, do you have to choose one or the other?
The short answer is: H*ll no! The long answer is also no, but you and your partner should consider working through it together if you want them to open up to your best friend. "You have to try and get to the core issues," Dr. Brown says. "Your relationship is not necessarily in danger if the two of you can find some ways to understand what the issues are. Having said that, you should not give up your best friend, unless it emerges that your best friend does not have your best interests at heart. The same would be true for your partner."
As much as you may want your partner and your BFF to love each other as much as they love you, that's not necessarily the important part. "It is important that both your partner and best friend understand that you have needs, too, and for them to make some compromises of their own," he explains. "At the end of the day, if your best friend is genuinely a good person, your partner should not just tolerate them in your life, but actually encourage you to spend time with them."
So, if you recognize any of these signs in your partner, it may be time to talk things over with them. Try to understand where they're coming from and consider telling them how important it is to you for them to get along with your best friend. Your partner loves you, and they should want to make you happy. Make sure they know that.