10 Costumes Even Sexier Than Pornhub's 'Sexiest Halloween Costumes Of 2016'

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It's almost Halloween, which means the leaves are falling, there is a crisp breeze in the air, children are preparing their intestinal tracts for war and slut-shamers are getting together to workshop their internet insults.

The thing I admire about Halloween, and why it is my favorite holiday, is it's the one day of the year where anything goes.

You can literally be a walking, sentient anus, sitting in a diner, eating a hamburger, and no one will say anything other than "I like you a lot!"

The one thing people DO get made fun of for on Halloween -- apart from, of course, the inevitable flood of offensive Halloween costumes our culture seems incapable of not indulging in -- are sexually suggestive ones.

So to the people who hate on women who dress provocatively on Halloween, I say: Mind your fucking business and stay home on the 31st while we all party with the ghosts and ghouls.

Pornhub, which has a team just mining data from the site and putting them into infographics for websites, like ours, to write about, has released a list of the most searched sexy Halloween costumes.


But "most searched" also means "least original."

That's where I come in. I've come up with 10 extremely original and timely sexy Halloween costumes for you to impress and titillate your friends and peers with.

Now, the model I chose to photoshop is female, but any of these will work just as well for men. Just, like, imagine nothing covering The Boob Area (I capitalize the things I respect).

So, fuck the haters, and do whatever you want. Dress up like Sexy Ranch Dressing if that's what you want to do.

Halloween is about freedom and chaos. Get into it.

Meanwhile, here are some options:

1. Sexy Kanye West Tweet Meltdown

2. Sexy Last Person Still Playing Pokémon Go

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Hint: Say, "MAH WIFE!" and "on fleek" and bring up "The Dress" a lot.

3. Sexy Ken Bone (obviously this)

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Hint: Emit power and beauty. Occasionally say fucked up shit when someone brings up porn.

4. Sexy Presidential Debate Moderator

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Hint: Just look exhausted and freaked out all night.

Advanced method: Get drunk and call the ex who interrupted and lied to you the most, and ask him or her what he or she thinks about the movie "Garden State."

(Why "Garden State"? Because it's the movie everyone has a strong opinion about and most often lies about secretly liking.)

5. Sexy Person Pretending to Be a David Bowie Fan on Social Media Only After He Died

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Hint: If anyone starts talking about being sad his or her parents are getting divorced, butt in and make it about you.

6. Sexy Legal Cuban Cigar

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Hint: Acknowledge you used to be more fun.

7. Sexy Exploding Galaxy Note 7

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Hint: Flirt with someone and, right before going home with them, throw up all over yourself.

8. Sexy Taylor Swift's Breakups Just Don't Mean Anything Anymore

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Hint: Make a joke everyone laughs at, then repeat it so many times until everyone stops caring.

9. Sexy Dead Meme

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Hint: Same as the one above.

10. Sexy 2016

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Hint: Destroy everything while sobbing and urinating.

Happy Halloween, guys! Have fun!