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sorority sisters who dropped out of their houses share their experience.

6 Ex-Sorority Sisters Who Dropped Out Spill The Tea

“Your perfect Barbie dreamhouse is really just a mojo dojo casa house.”

Elite Daily; Getty Images

At the start of each school year, sorority recruitment finds its way to the FYP, making #RushTok a viral must-follow for students hoping to join a house as well as curious TikTok users who want an inside look at Greek life. Through OOTDs, rush bag hauls, and daily vlogs, you get a glimpse of what rushing a sorority is all about. But what happens when the week ends, new members have been initiated into their houses, and the TikToks are fewer and farther between? For some, they’re introduced to lifelong friends who’ll forever be their sisters, while others deal with a less positive experience. Below, six former members share the tea on why they left their sororities — and how they feel about their decision now.

These interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.

I Went Through A Witch Hunt After I Joined My Sorority

I originally decided to rush because being part of the Greek system was kind of expected at my university. From the very beginning, though, I never felt welcome. The first week I was part of the house, I was sent to the standards disciplinary board due to something that I’d done before I joined. At the time, I was texting a guy who, without my knowledge, also happened to be talking to another girl in the house. I had sent him some nudes (which he’d requested), and then he showed them to her once I joined the house. I was put on social probation, and had to apologize for my actions.

After that, I was sent to standards meetings almost every month for the littlest things, such as bad grades, wearing the wrong outfit to an event, or posting a picture on Instagram of me and my best friend with applications to live outside of the sorority. They didn’t like that because they had planned for me to live in the house, but with everyone against me, I decided not to. The meetings were supposed to be confidential, but the entire sorority board and president would gossip among the girls about why I was, once again, being sent to standards. Every single time, I was put on some sort of probation, which included study hours or no drinking at events.

My sisters never believed me, and they always tried to make me feel ashamed and guilty. Eventually, I was sent to a formal hearing, where they had to decide if I was “worthy” to be part of the sorority. I had to prepare a case about why they should keep me around, and have other sisters speak on my character. During this process, a fellow sister was assigned to be my “guardian” to ensure I went to class and behaved. This lasted for about two months before I was told I would be sent to a formal hearing again.

I simply gave up trying to fight to be part of something that clearly didn’t want me. I never showed up to my second hearing, which resulted in the sorority removing me from the organization. Without checking in on me or asking if I was OK, they showed up at my apartment and gave me my notice of removal. I heard afterward that several members of the board were happy about this, and had talked about how troubled I was and how nice it was to have me kicked out.

I walked away from my so-called “family” because I felt like there was a witch hunt to get me out of the organization. I had no one to talk to because if I spoke to one person about my concerns, the entire house would soon know. I don’t have any regrets, but a part of me wishes that I had never given them the satisfaction of leaving the sorority on my own grounds.

The whole house was divided into the girls like me who went out and were the life of the party versus the girls who preferred to stay in and study. There was constant judgment and passive-aggressive comments from the different groups. Sororities pretend they hold themselves to a “higher standard of womanhood,” but in my experience, everyone speaks poorly of each other and your perfect Barbie dreamhouse is really just a mojo dojo casa house. — Amber*

I Dealt With Racism From My Former Roommate

I transferred to my university as a sophomore. I was still new to campus, so I rushed to make more friends. In the beginning, all my sisters were really nice as we were all still getting to know each other, but sh*t started to go down once we actually joined and we heard the drama of who hated each other and who liked each other.

My roommate and I got into a really bad fight and people started to pick sides. At that point, I really should have dropped, but I thought, “No, I’m going to be resilient. I still have some friends here that actually know the truth about what happened to me.”

My junior year was the first time I was meeting all the new members coming in for the fall. I thought that fight and everyone hating me was behind us. Then, I found out later that my ex-roommate and one of her new friends were calling me racial slurs. I was the only person of color in the sorority. I called Nationals and reported it, but they did nothing. We had a huge group meeting where I said my piece and she stated hers, but everyone was laughing. They knew she’d said those things about me, but no one wanted to come forward. Some of my sisters were concerned, but when the majority of the group follows a leader, everyone else is so scared to speak up.

From there, it only got worse. My grades were falling behind, and even my own Little was starting to gossip about me. That’s when I made the decision to drop out. I knew there were so many other things happening for me, like my externship, that were better than the position that I was in at my sorority. It was really hard for me to finally decide to leave because I still do love some of the sisters there. They’re my friends, but ultimately, I couldn’t have that toxic environment in my life anymore. I had no support system.

I probably should have left a lot sooner than I did, but I met two of my best friends from my sorority, who are dropping out as well because they see what’s happening. You live and you learn. —Emma*

I Didn’t Want The Pressure Of Being Like Everyone Else

I originally joined my sorority because I was from out of state and wanted to make friends, but I quickly realized the friends that you made in the house had so many conditions. I felt like there was this looming sense of pressure that I had to be like everybody else and follow a set of rules, a dress code, and social standards. That was never my personality, even at 19. It just seemed like a very stifling and claustrophobic environment. It was exhausting to keep up with, and I was more of a stoner type than an energizer bunny type trying to please other people.

I also noticed that a couple of the girls had eating disorders after seeing one throwing up in the bathroom. I briefly brought it up to another sister and she kind of brushed it off like, “Oh, that’s what she does.” To be honest, it wasn’t the eating disorder that threw me. I understood people had problems. What was alarming to me was the fact that the girl who was throwing up was the quintessential sister. She was beautiful, well dressed, and had a sweet demure personality that fit right into what the sorority seemed to like.

My sisters were disappointed when I dropped out, but they weren’t rude about it. However, none of them pursued friendships with me after that point, and perhaps their fake smiles became faker in the halls. I think the inclusivity of a sorority community is positive for a lot of people, despite everything. I’m kind of an introvert and a loner at heart, and I’m sure I would have benefited from being more social, but I don’t regret dropping out. I’m glad I tried it and pledged in the first place so I understood the process and the culture. —Tess*

I Regret Not Joining My First Choice Sorority

I originally joined a sorority because I wanted to be part of something and it’s so fun having lots of swag with your name on it. I was rushing with my friend, and I joined a particular house based on what she decided instead of the one I wanted. I immediately had second thoughts after I was accepted and wish I had listened to my gut. As soon as I got pinned I was like, “Oh, crap.”

I only lasted two days. After a truly exhausting rush week, all I wanted to do was watch TV and see my other friends. I’m naturally an introvert, so all of that socializing and “selling myself” really took it out of me. However, the night that I officially accepted, there was yet another event I had to attend with my sorority. This was after already spending the whole day with these women. I had to lie and say that I had too much homework, but the truth was I just had had enough.

When I decided to drop, I remember having to meet with five different women to tell them I changed my mind. Everyone tried to convince me how wonderful everything was going to be, and that I was going to make lifelong friends. I just knew it was a time commitment I wasn’t comfortable with. Ultimately, I regret not going with the sorority I felt was a better fit for me. My college had so many different options at that time, and I just went along with my friend because of peer pressure and because it was a safer bet. Being 19 is hard. — Sarah*

I Was Forced Out When My Grades Slipped After I Was Sexually Assaulted

I was sexually assaulted at the time I was pledging, and my grades started to slip because I was falling into a deep depression. I was struggling, and even attempted suicide. A lot of people in my dorm were being really mean to me because the person who raped me was friends with someone in my dorm. I looked to my sorority as an escape from this, and spoke to the president of my sorority after I was put on probation for my bad grades. I told her how hard of a time I was having because I was not only raped, but I was also being ostracized in my dorm. I felt like I had nowhere to go.

A few weeks later, one of my sisters was sexually assaulted at the bar I worked at. The night it happened, I left my shift and found her lying in a bush outside the bar, and I took her to the hospital and stayed with her the whole night because I wanted to make sure she was OK. Once she sobered up, we shared our similar experiences, and she said she was so thankful that I was there to help her.

I was still struggling, and there was no empathy about my circumstances — even after my grades got back on track. The president was seemingly nice about what had happened when I told her, but in the end, it became clear to me that everything was about being the best and getting awards, not about sisterhood.

That’s when I was basically forced to leave my sorority. The same sister I had brought to the hospital, and who knew exactly what had happened to me, presented me with the option to either drop out or have the sisters vote whether or not to keep me in. I didn’t want to face the embarrassment of being voted out, so I left.

I have zero regrets about dropping out. Sororities are flawed establishments, and I can’t believe I paid to be part of an organization where my life was so controlled and people were so cruel. I was desperate for friends at the time, but it still leaves a really bad taste in my mouth.

Just because you’re sisters doesn’t mean you’re friends. After living in the house for a year, I didn’t become closer with anyone. When I left, literally no one cared, said bye, or anything. It was like I never existed. I ended up finding more in common with other women who dropped out of their sororities. In fact, my best friend today is someone who also dropped out of the same chapter that I did. — Katie*

I Couldn’t Keep Up With The Endless Obligations

When you get to college, you really want to be independent, but there were so many rules and regulations in my sorority that it almost felt like having an overbearing helicopter parent. You had to somehow fit all the planned activities into your schedule while also going to school and trying to create new friendships. I enjoyed what time I had in my sorority, but it got to the point halfway through my sophomore year when my priorities started to change.

Around the holidays, during exams and when everyone was getting ready to go home, I felt like the amount of obligations got to be too much. There were repercussions for skipping out, like paying fees for missing chapter, and I told my friends I wanted to drop out because I wasn’t into it anymore. They were all supportive, and after I dropped out, two of my best friends in a different sorority dropped out of theirs as well. I started a domino effect.

Ultimately, I had a great time my first year, and met two of my best friends during rush. It was not all bad — it just wasn’t for me. One of the worst obligations was rush on the other side. Going through rush as a PNM was easy for me because I enjoy interviewing and talking to people. However, having to judge all these girls and make snap decisions about who should be invited into our group was the final straw for me.

I have no regrets because it all worked out perfectly. I’m so happy that I joined a sorority because I met some of my best friends, but if you want to drop, you have to have the confidence to know, “I’m going to be OK outside of this group.” It’s not easy to leave, but I’d encourage anyone who’s thinking about it for any reason to do it. — Allie*

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.