8 Things That Prove We've Actually Traveled Back In Time To The '90s
As far as fashion goes, we've been knee-deep in the '90s quagmire for years now. At this point, everyone basically dresses like he or she is an extra from the first "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie.
One of the more recent '90s fashion trends being, of course, the "choker."
OK, these necklaces look cool and stuff, but they have a very unsettling name. It's like calling tight boxer-briefs "infertilizers."
Crimped hair made a brief return this year as well.
Basically, we've run out of fashion stuff from the '90s to try, and everyone is just scraping the bottom of the barrel. Give us a couple more months, and there will be articles about how people all started wearing JNCO jeans and Cosby sweaters. OK, probably not Cosby sweaters, but you get it.
I actually thought the '90s obsession would fade as time went by, but quite the opposite. It's thriving more than ever. Now, this might just be that people who grew up in the '90s want to see that stuff all over the internet or, maybe, the '90s, like the '50s, was a beautiful time of safety and excess (insert: "for white people"), and we all still love to fawn over it.
Whatever the reason, we basically still live in the '90s. I have collected several pieces of evidence to support this claim below.
1. The Backstreet Boys are on a reunion tour and are working on new music.
By "working on new music," of course, I mean a team of well-paid song writers are in a room, right now, trying to think of rhymes for "all right!"
(Some ideas, free of charge: "Amiright!" "Fulbright!" "I Might!" "Delight!" "Not So Bright!")
2. We might have a Clinton president.
And even if she doesn't get elected, we will have spent eight years with a pretty reasonable (if flawed) president, and then, decide to hand over the reigns to a warmongering dunce whom we elected because he seemed like he'd be fun at parties, which is a super late '90s thing to do.
Of course, if she does get elected, we can only hope she'll bless us with an Oval Office sex scandal and sax solos.
3. Furby is back and more terrifying than ever.
Yeah, apparently, there is enough of a '90s nostalgic market out there that this glaring, robotic, squealing, nightmare beast has received an update and is back in stores. The new Furby is to the old Furby as the T-1000 was to the first Terminator. I'm saying it can turn into mercury and will stab you in the skull.
Lisa Frank adult coloring books are happening.
Yes. The famous school supply company returned, this time setting its multi-colored sights on adult consumers hoping to rekindle the misremembered joys of their youth.
5. Hanson is back, too.
Unfortunately, we now have come to realize their appeal was 98 percent hair-based.
6. So is "The X-Files."
All my dreams have come true with this coming back. Gillian Anderson's face should be put on the American Flag, in place of one of the stars (let's say Nevada's star, we don't really need Nevada).
7. And "Full House."
"Fuller House," unlike "choker," is aptly named because you felt full whenever you watched the first one, and this one makes you feel even fuller -- like you're going to throw up.
(PS. Don't stare at the above GIF for longer than 10 seconds or you'll get a call in SEVEN DAYS.)
8. And, of course, "Independence Day."
"Independence Day" is back. Although, minus Will Smith, which is a lot like eating a cheeseburger minus the bun, the patty, the cheese, the ketchup and the lettuce, plus a bowl of oatmeal.
Some other examples of '90s reboots and sequels include: "TMNT," "Jurassic World" and "Twin Peaks."
Seriously, everyone better get ready for a live-action "Doug," "Hey Arnold!" and "Rugrats" because I guarantee you someone is developing one of those things. I purposefully didn't look up any of those because that's how much confidence I have in that prediction.
I hear one of Tom Brady's deflated balls is in talks with casting directors to be a possible lead in "Hey Arnold!" but I wouldn't be surprised if they just got a rugby ball with a good American accent to play the role.