Sex positions are like restaurants: You're pretty sure there are a lot of great ones out there, but at this point you're just happy with your go-to neighborhood spots (I just LIKE diners, guys).
Still, it's important to shake things up sometimes, or else your bedrooms will get as stale as a Ritz Cracker on the floor of Gary Busey's car.
So allow me to expand your sex-position palate -- even though that sounds disgusting -- with some new, very cool, additions.
Here are 11 sex positions inspired by famous people. Why "famous people," you ask? Because, go f*ck yourself. Don't ask questions.
I call it my "Celeb Sutra."
The "Kanye West"
This one is a favorite among high schoolers and Shia LeBeouf, probably.
The "Jennifer Aniston"
For real, though, how many times do you think she's thought about Brad Pitt in "Fight Club" while having sex with her boyfriend? Like 83 times? I'd say 83 times is a safe bet.
The "Robert Pattinson"
Robert Pattinson's acting technique can be summarized in one, concise sentence: "Just look like you are about to poop but don't want to."
The "Seth Rogen"
I dunno, James should give the later seasons a chance. It's like cake. There is good cake and there is bad cake, but it's all cake.
The "Al Pacino"
The "Roger Federer"
You could drop a bucket of human blood on Federer's head and he would just adjust his headband and maintain focus.
The "LeBron James"
I guess being arguably the best basketball player to ever live (EXCEPT JORDAN I GET IT, I'VE SEEN "SPACE JAM" TOO, GUYS) doesn't save you from millions of people being like "lol, look at your DNA-derived aesthetic problem."
The "Action Bronson"
Yes, he sounds like Ghostface, but, like, I love Ghostface. I want as much Ghostface as possible.
The "Jesus Christ"
PS: Jesus was the first zombie.
The "Meryl Streep"
Meryl Streep has more Oscars than Lindsay Lohan has DUIs. Both of them need to cool it.
The "Barack Obama"
The only way Obama could have lived up to our expectations would have been if on his first day in office, he told us he'd managed to bring Pokémon to life and was giving one to every citizen. And even then, a lot of people would probably be complaining about how they got a "f*cking Bulbasaur."