Let's be real: We've all had our fair share of sloppy nights. These are the nights that are accompanied by drunken texts and embarrassing fails. These are the nights when we have one too many vodka sodas, followed by a long cab ride home and 15 glasses of water.
Some nights, I tell myself I'm lucky I survived the evening in one piece. Here are some of the fellow crazies you'll inevitably come across at a bar at some point or another:
1. The Obnoxious One
He's loud, flailing around and talking a mile a minute. Admit it: He's pretty hilarious.
But you can't help but think, “OK. Now please get out of my face.” Now may be the time to limit the rum and cokes, dude.
2. The Angry One
This one's a hit or miss. He or she is completely unpredictable when he or she drinks.
This is who I like to call “the angry drunk.” Don't be that guy.
3. The “Drunk Off Two Drinks” Girl
We all know this girl. Please go bother someone else with your “OMG, I'm so drunk” theatrical act.
It's not cute. It's just annoying.
4. The Guy Who Can't Stand Up, But Is Still Hitting On You
It's obvious that this guy is drunk off his ass. His eyes are practically rolling in the back of his head, and he's just trying to find something to hang on to so that he doesn't fall over.
But he's resilient in his pursuits for you. He may act stupid, but he can't stop telling you how pretty you are.
5. The Dancing Queen
This girl is just out to have fun. No matter how many drinks she has consumed, she remains cool and composed.
She's unfazed by everything that's going on around her. She just wants to rock the dance floor with her friends.
6. The Drunk, Crying Girl
It's obvious that she's crying over some guy, right? I mean, what else do drunk girls cry about?
7. The Guy Who Just Wants To Take You Home
Ugh, can you not? Clearly, you're disgusting.
No, I don't care that you have a “bed all to yourself” at home. (Yes, this has actually been used on me.)
Thank you, but I'm good.
8. The Really Nice Girl In The Bathroom
Who knew you could make so many friends in a women's bathroom? In fact, this happened to me recently.
I had a drink spill on the lap of my jeans. So, I immediately ran to the bathroom.
Upon entering, I anxiously asked the closest girl I could find, “Is this totally noticeable?”
She replied in a friendly, helpful manner. She even said she had “barely noticed.”
Aw. Can we be best friends?
9. The Whiskey Dick
This one should be self-explanatory.
10. The Wanderer
This is the person who gets drunk, loses his or her friends and literally has no idea what he or she is even doing.
These people always have their eyes glassed over. They wander the bar aimlessly because they just don't know what else to do.
11. The Seemingly Innocent One
This is the girl who you think is super innocent and collected. But after a few drinks, she turns into someone you've never even met.
She's flirty, wild and dancing at the bar. You think, “I don't know where this came from, but I like it.”
12. The Asshole
This guy's just too big for his britches. Actually, he may just be like this when he's drunk.
But plain and simple, he's an asshole. We just know it when we see it.
Dude, are you even having fun? Why are you here?
13. The Girl Who Just “Literally Can't”
She's done. Her friends are trying to gather her together and hold her up so they can make it out the door. Chances are, she'll either vomit, pee in her pants or fall asleep in the Uber ride home.
PS: This is not only limited to women. I see you, boys.
Despite the types of drunks we all come across, let's have some empathy because we've all been there. Let us embrace the crazy together and laugh about it. That's what all good drunken rights are for, right?