24 Drunk Conversations You've Had In The Girls' Bathroom At The Bar
There is a special, sacred bond I share with every girl I’ve ever drunkenly talked to in a bar bathroom.
From the girl who lent me a tampon last weekend to the girl who made jokes with me about the giant dump the girl ahead of us must have been taking as we waited HOURS (OK, minutes) for her to leave the stall, these girls -- in brief, fleeting, drunken moments -- become my friends.
These girls are the ones I depend on to tell me deep into the night whether my hair looks better half-up or down. They’re the ones who throw toilet paper over the stall when my stall’s all out. They are my OG drunk homies. And it always seems like we're having the same conversations.
So here they are -- the 24 talks we’ve all had with strangers in bar bathrooms.
1. “You look so pretty.”
“OMG, you look so pretty!”
“You really think so?”
“Yes!”
“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! YOU are so pretty too!”
**hugs**
2. “I love your hair!”
“I LOVE your hair. Do you get it colored?!”
“OMG, thank you! Yes I go to a salon down the street. The hairdresser is my actual best friend -- I love her so much. You have to go there.”
“OMG, should we call her right now?”
“Yes!”
3. “DOES ANYONE HAVE TOILET PAPER?”
“Does anyone have toilet paper?!”
“I DO!”
“Great, where are you? I’m gonna kick my foot out of my stall, and can you throw it down?”
“Yeah, I’ll just throw it over!”
**toilet paper flying in from every direction**
“Thank you, you are an angel! You are ALL angels!”
4. “DOES ANYONE HAVE A TAMPON?”
**haphazardly pull tampon out before you pee for the 18th time**
**check clutch to find out you’ve gone through all SIX of the tampons you packed for the night**
“DOES ANYONE HAVE A TAMPON?”
“I do!!!”
“OMG, thank you so much! I’m in the last stall closest to the door on the left!”
**frantically wave feet out from under stall until tampons are given to you**
“Thank you SO much! I owe you a drink!!”
5. “Did we just become best friends?”
“Ugh, this line is taking forever.”
“I know, right?! Someone’s absolutely pooping.”
“Or hooking up.”
“I hate this bar. This happens every time I come here and I always have to pee.”
“ME TOO.”
“You have to pee all the time, too?! How have I never seen you here before?!”
“I don’t know! This is my SPOT. Let’s like exchange numbers and hang out next time we’re her. That way, we don't have to brave the line alone!”
“OMG, yes please!”
**runs to real actual friends**
“You guys, you guys. I think I just made a friend!!”
6. “I’ll see you at the bar.”
“It was so nice meeting you, I’ll see you at the bar!”
“Yes, totally — let’s get a drink!”
**never see each other again and completely forget that promise was ever made**
7. “Don't cry…”
**crying girl at the sink**
“What’s wrong?!”
“My boyfriend dumped me two weeks ago and he was the love of my life, and now he’s here with his new girlfriend who is just the hottest girl I’ve ever, and of course I see them MAKING out the minute I walk in, but none of my friends want to leave and this very well might be the worst night of my life.”
“Your friends won’t leave?!”
“No! THEY WON’T F*CKING LEAVE. So now I have to deal with the fact that I have these SH*T friends and a SH*T ex.”
“OMG, you poor thing! I’ll hang out with you!”
“Seriously? You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.”
**cut to your actual friends being mad at you for wasting your night with a random stranger in the bathroom**
8. “DID THAT BITCH TRY TO CUT THE LINE?”
“OMG, I’m so sorry, I literally am about to pee my pants … I need to cut the line!”
“OH, SINCE WE ARE ALL JUST DOING SO FINE HERE? GET IN THE BACK OF THE LINE.”
9. “This line is so long.”
“This line is ridiculous.”
“How much trouble do you think we’d get in for using the men’s room?”
“Let’s try it!!”
10. “I’m so drunk.”
“Oh God, I just took three tequila shots after my two Moscow Mules … not my best decision.”
“Ugh, you’re telling ME. I was trying to be good tonight … literally only had a couple beers until my friends convinced me to do five Irish car bombs.”
11. “Should I text him?”
“OK, you seem cool. Look at my convo with this guy. I met him last week and we’ve been texting a little back and forth since then. Do you think I should text him?!”
“Oof. At 2 am, do you think that’ll seem like a booty call?”
“Shoot, you’re right … I’m still gonna do it, though.”
12. “I LOVE that top.”
“OMG, I LOVE that top!”
“Thanks I got it at the LF Summer sale like two years ago.”
“OMG, literally everything I own is LF sale, so I’m surprised I don’t have that.”
“Yeah, I love that store!”
13. “Boys suck.”
“…and then he just dumped me on the phone! And now he’s here!”
“Oh, God. Don’t even get me started on MY ex. He cheated on me for three years straight and still insists that I’m the love of his life and he wants me back. Like I’m sorry but NO.”
“What a PIG. Men are the f*cking worst.”
14. “Can you see my zit?”
“Hey! Random question but can you see this zit on my chin?”
“Let me see. Ooh, yeah, right there?”
“You can see it!? F*ck!”
“Yeah, but only after you pointed it out! I wouldn’t worry about it.”
“You really think so?”
“Yeah, for sure. You’re fine.”
15. “Do I look ugly?”
**checking self out in mirror**
“Oh God, this lighting is doing me NO favors.”
“No, I think that dress looks great!”
“OMG, seriously? I feel like it makes me look like a water buffalo.”
“Hahahah, what?! No, you look so pretty! I was just telling my friends, 'OMG, that girl looks so pretty.’”
“Wow, THANK YOU.”
16. “I think I’m gonna puke.”
“I’m really sorry, but I legitimately think I’m going to puke.”
**people roll their eyes**
**people hate you**
**you puke in sink**
**people hate you more**
17. “Does anyone have a hair tie?”
“OMG, it’s so f*cking hot in here. I NEED a hair tie … does anyone have a hair tie?!”
“I have one!!”
“Did you seriously just take that out of your hair and give it to me?! ARE YOU MOTHER TERESA REINCARNATED?”
18. “Do you have hot friends?”
“…and then he DUMPED me just like that, and I want to get over him, I really do! But I just don’t like anyone else, you know? I’m sorry for going on to you. My friends are just so sick of hearing about it.”
“You need to meet my friend, Ryan!”
“Is he hot?”
“Yes, I’ll introduce you as soon as we’re out!!”
19. “I need to get laid tonight.”
“Ugh I NEED to get laid tonight if it’s the last thing I do. How do I look? Would you f*ck me?”
“Girl, you’re HOT. I would totally f*ck you!”
“OMG thanks!”
20. “All the boys in this bar are ugly.”
“Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that all the boys in this bar are hideous?”
“OMG I was JUST saying that to my friends!”
“Yeah? Like WTF is going on?”
21. “Have you ever been to **insert bar name here**?”
“You know where they have way hotter guys than here?”
“Where??”
“**insert bar name here** is right down the street and it’s SO much more fun we gotta go.”
“OMG yes I’ll tell my friends!”
22. “This creep from Tinder is here.”
“I know you don’t know me, but I just HAVE to tell you this hilarious thing that’s happening right now. Look at this weirdo I was f*cking with on Tinder.”
“He looks like such a freak, hahahaha.”
“Yeah so he’s HERE.”
“No way. Get out.”
“Not even kidding you.”
23. “I need some pizza.”
“Does anyone know where I can get some pizza?!”
“There’s a Domino’s down the street that’s still open!”
“You are a godsend!”
24. “You spilled something.”
**can also be replaced with "you have toilet paper on your shoe" or "your tampon string is hanging out"**
“Hey, before you go, I gotta tell you, you have a big stain on your shirt.”
“Oh my gosh, do I really?”
“Yeah it’s like a weird beige color on the back. I can get it out for you! Just hold still!”
“Thank you SO MUCH. This is my friend’s shirt. She would’ve killed me.”
