Breakups
Young woman texts her friend going through a breakup.

This Is The Best Text You Could Send A Friend Who’s Going Through A Breakup

Just let them know you’ve got their back.

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Nothing sucks as much as seeing a friend go through heartbreak. And although it might not seem like it, knowing what to say to a friend going through a breakup can have a huge impact on them. A few meaningful words can make a big difference, and if you don’t live close enough to check on them IRL, a quick text shows you’re thinking of them. But figuring out what to say can be tricky when someone’s hurting. The best texts to send a friend going through a breakup are supportive, sweet, and don’t harp on the matter too much. You don’t know how much they’re willing to open up, and it’s important to be sensitive to their emotions.

Even if you don't know exactly what to say to a friend going through a breakup, or if reaching out makes you nervous, it’s important they know you’re there for them. “After a breakup is when a person feels the most alone,” Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast, tells Elite Daily. A text message is one way to show them they have someone to lean on. They may also be experiencing a lot of anxiety, Leckie adds. “Having someone there to talk to and help put things in perspective helps tone down the anxiety,” she says.

“One of the main things that one thinks after a breakup is, ‘Why wasn't I good enough?’ They need a lot of love during this time, and to be reminded they’re still liked for the person they are,” Cherlyn Chong, dating and breakup coach and host of the Why Women Love Toxic Men workshop, tells Elite Daily. “Random and unexpected texts of love and support will especially boost up their morale, as it's nice to be thought of and you're showing them they matter to you.”

Even if you do live close by, checking in regularly through texts or phone calls is still essential to being a supportive friend (in addition to spending time with them IRL). It’s a good way to be present without crowding them if, more than anything, they just need a little space, adds Chong. “Sometimes people don't want to talk, as it can be too overwhelming when you're already bombarded by grief and loss. Text messages can also be read as many times as a recipient wants, so that offers comfort when you can't be there in person or via phone,” she explains.

Whatever the case may be, the right text for someone going through a breakup depends on their specific situation and how you found out about the split. Here's how the experts recommend reaching out.

If You Heard About The Breakup Directly From Your Friend
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If your friend reaches out to you directly about what happened, or you see it on social media, Leckie suggests sending a text that focuses on building them up when they're likely feeling low. She recommends saying:

“I’m so sorry to hear things didn’t work out. I admire you for having the strength to realize it now instead of staying in something that wasn’t making you happy. I know it’s hard, but it’s much better than dragging it out and breaking up six months from now. It will get easier each day.”

This can be helpful because “sending this type of text complimenting them on their strength can give them a boost of confidence, and it also acts as confirmation that they made the right decision to end it,” says Leckie. This is especially important because, as she says, “after a breakup, it's so easy to second guess yourself, so an optimistic perspective is invaluable.”

If you're not sure how your friend is feeling and what they need, Pricilla Martinez, online life coach at Blush, offers advice on how to broach the subject while also letting your friend know you’re there if they need more support. She suggests texting:

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Are you OK? Do you need anything?”

“This communicates that you care about how they’re doing, but it’s not just for the sake of information,” says Martinez. “By asking if they need anything, it says you are willing to help.”

If You Found Out About The Breakup From A Third Party

If you found out about your friend’s breakup from someone else, knowing what to text can be even trickier. On the one hand, you want to let your friend know you’re there for them if they need you, but you also want to respect their privacy and what they're going through. In this situation, Shasta Nelson, CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, a women’s friendship community, and author of Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendship for Lifelong Health and Happiness, tells Elite Daily that adding some context to the message can open the door to talk about it if they want or need to. She recommends:

“Hi [X]... I had dinner with [X] tonight who mentioned that you and [X] had recently broken up. No matter the circumstances, it’s never fun going through relationship endings! I wanted to write and send you some extra love and to see if you’re free this weekend to get together. It would be great to see you! I’d be up for a hike on Saturday afternoon or even just grabbing brunch that morning.”

Nelson says this works because you’re “not assuming you know how she feels or adding more drama and emotions than she’s shared, [you] used it as an opportunity to express your love and support, and extended a real invitation to spend time with you if she wants. The goal is not to find out more information by asking questions or to try to just have this one text be your primary interaction.”

How To Support Your Friend Moving Forward
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If you’ve ever gone through a painful breakup, then you know it usually takes a while to bounce back from one, which is why sending messages of continued support is so invaluable. To let your friend know you're still there for them as time goes by, Leckie suggests sending them a text along the lines of:

“It took me a while to get over my breakup too, so I totally feel for you and know how painful it is. How about I come by with some takeout and we watch a funny movie to help get your mind off things? I miss you!”

Leckie explains that sending this type of text shows you can relate to what they’re going through. You’re also being a great friend by putting forth the effort to take action in supporting them. “It will make them feel loved,” she says.

But beyond texting, Martinez says the best thing you can do (if you're near your friend) is to keep checking in and help them stay busy. “Spending time with other people keeps you aware that your day-to-day is still fulfilling without your relationship," she says. "Filling the time you’re left with after a breakup is often a huge hurdle.”

While texts are a great way to let your friend know you care, ultimately the most important thing to do is to just be there, and continue to be there as they heal — whether that's via text, Zoom, in person, or even by carrier pigeon if you have to. Checking in regularly (not just right after you hear about the breakup for the first time) and, if you can, visiting them and keeping them busy will be crucial to their heartbreak recovery. And what else are friends for if not to support each other through the good and the bad? So don’t overthink it, and just send the text. Your friend will appreciate it more than you can imagine.

Experts:

Cherlyn Chong, dating and breakup coach and host of the Why Women Love Toxic Men workshop

Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast

Pricilla Martinez, online life coach at Blush

Shasta Nelson, CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com