Nothing sucks as much as seeing a friend go through heartbreak. And although it might not seem like it, knowing what to say to a friend going through a breakup can have a huge impact on them. A few meaningful words can make a big difference, and if you don’t live close enough to check on them IRL, a quick text shows you’re thinking of them. But figuring out what to say can be tricky when someone’s hurting. The best texts to send a friend going through a breakup are supportive, sweet, and don’t harp on the matter too much. You don’t know how much they’re willing to open up, and it’s important to be sensitive to their emotions.
Even if you don't know exactly what to say to a friend going through a breakup, or if reaching out makes you nervous, it’s important they know you’re there for them. “After a breakup is when a person feels the most alone,” Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast, tells Elite Daily. A text message is one way to show them they have someone to lean on. They may also be experiencing a lot of anxiety, Leckie adds. “Having someone there to talk to and help put things in perspective helps tone down the anxiety,” she says.
“One of the main things that one thinks after a breakup is, ‘Why wasn't I good enough?’ They need a lot of love during this time, and to be reminded they’re still liked for the person they are,” Cherlyn Chong, dating and breakup coach and host of the Why Women Love Toxic Men workshop, tells Elite Daily. “Random and unexpected texts of love and support will especially boost up their morale, as it's nice to be thought of and you're showing them they matter to you.”
Even if you do live close by, checking in regularly through texts or phone calls is still essential to being a supportive friend (in addition to spending time with them IRL). It’s a good way to be present without crowding them if, more than anything, they just need a little space, adds Chong. “Sometimes people don't want to talk, as it can be too overwhelming when you're already bombarded by grief and loss. Text messages can also be read as many times as a recipient wants, so that offers comfort when you can't be there in person or via phone,” she explains.
Whatever the case may be, the right text for someone going through a breakup depends on their specific situation and how you found out about the split. Here's how the experts recommend reaching out.
But beyond texting, Martinez says the best thing you can do (if you're near your friend) is to keep checking in and help them stay busy. “Spending time with other people keeps you aware that your day-to-day is still fulfilling without your relationship," she says. "Filling the time you’re left with after a breakup is often a huge hurdle.”
While texts are a great way to let your friend know you care, ultimately the most important thing to do is to just be there, and continue to be there as they heal — whether that's via text, Zoom, in person, or even by carrier pigeon if you have to. Checking in regularly (not just right after you hear about the breakup for the first time) and, if you can, visiting them and keeping them busy will be crucial to their heartbreak recovery. And what else are friends for if not to support each other through the good and the bad? So don’t overthink it, and just send the text. Your friend will appreciate it more than you can imagine.
Cherlyn Chong, dating and breakup coach and host of the Why Women Love Toxic Menworkshop
Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast