When a relationship comes to an end, there are typically a lot of emotions involved, no matter how things went down. Of course, it can be hard to see when you're in the midst of a breakup, as no one really enjoys being broken up with. It takes time to heal and recover from a breakup, and everyone is different. But what happens if you're the one who did the dumping? Seriously, when do you get to move on? If you're wondering how long it takes to bounce back after a breakup, especially when you ended things, then you aren't alone. While there are certainly some individual factors that might impact how long it takes for you to move on from a breakup, experts agree that there are some standard timelines that dictate more or less when you should expect to feel ready to move on from an ex you broke up with.
"Some people may be familiar with the rule that you should take half the length of time of the relationship to get over the relationship," Kat Haselkorn, DC-based matchmaker with Three Day Rule, tells Elite Daily. "For some, these steadfast rules can be helpful because they give a stressful breakup some structure and clarity. But for many others, there is no exact amount of time it takes to recover." If you were with your ex for a year, then it might take you six months to bounce back from the breakup.
But if you're the one who ended things, does that make a difference?
Well, somewhat. "If you're the one who ends the relationship it's likely you've had a bit more time to adjust to the idea of not being in a couple any more," Haselkorn explains. So you might not need the full six months to recover from your year-long relationship. "While initiating a breakup is never easy, you do have the advantage of being a few steps further along the healing process than the individual who was broken up with unexpectedly," Haselkorn says.
In fact, if you had been thinking about breaking up with your partner for a while, then you might not even need all that long to bounce back or start seeing someone new. "If you did the breaking up, you probably thought about ending it for weeks, if not months, so you’re likely much farther along in the emotional healing process, or even ready to completely move on by the time you have the actual breakup conversation," Samantha Burns, licensed counselor and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, tells Elite Daily. You have nothing to feel bad about if you want to hop on Tinder immediately after ending things, because while "it can be hard to give someone new a fair shot when you’re hung up on your ex," as Burns says, "falling in love again can be exactly what you need to close the door and move forward."
Again, everyone is different, and even if you ended things, you might need more than half the time you were in your relationship to really bounce back (although this isn't a hard and fast rule!). There's nothing wrong with that. "Our hearts break and heal in unique ways and there is no right or wrong way to move on," Haselkorn says. "Tune in and listen to your own needs. If you feel ready to date after a few weeks, test it out. If you can't imagine ever dating again, take some time for yourself. It might take months or even years, but time really does heal all wounds and you will love again." You have to do what's best for you, whatever that may look like. Take a week, or six, or nine months or two years. There's no exact timeline for moving on, so rest assured that however long you need is totally fine.