Congratulations! You've successfully made it to another holiday season all on your own.
Now, I know what you're probably thinking: Why would that be labeled as a good thing?
Shouldn't you yearn for some romance in your life, like spending nights curled up on the couch with bae, escorting each other to family gatherings and Instagramming those disgustingly cute couples photos?
No, thanks. I'm good.
This time of the year brings on added pressure and stress of finding that perfect someone, probably influenced by the incessant questions you receive from your family regarding your love life. "So, are you seeing anyone?" "Is there someone special in your life?" "So... still single, huh?"
I've had hookups for an extended period of time, but none of those situations were substantial enough for me to spend hours finding an absolutely amazing gift for them — and I'm OK with that.
Regardless of my family's belief that I most certainly will die alone (or at least surrounded by a horde of cats), I'm completely OK with my current single life, as is. I'll find someone when I goddamn want to.
I'll find someone when I goddamn want to.
Despite everyone's sudden interest, you shouldn't let their questions get to you. In fact, you should celebrate all other aspects of your life and appreciate just why being single over the holidays is so damn great.
I see great things coming my way with friends, work and other events that don't really leave time for me to be tied down.
Now, that doesn't mean I wouldn't make the most of love if it came my way, but I won't allow what's "lacking" turn me into a mopey, self-pitying single male who spends his weekends stuck in bed watching "Love Actually" for the sixth time. (I'm gay, so that would be allowed.)
Luckily, that just ain't me. And it shouldn't be you, either.
Below, find an elaborate list of top-notch things us singletons can revel in when making the most out of this holiday season:
1. Remember you have free reign to do WHATEVER you want.
2. Attend any/as many holiday parties as you please. The more booze, the better.
3. If you're bored, tired or simply think it's the worst party you've ever attended, you can dip out whenever you want.
4. Speaking of booze, Thanksgiving Eve is the perfect time to find that former high school flame and show 'em what they missed out on.
5. Calories do not exist for the next two months. I personally approve that extra helping of dessert you're thinking of eating. You get a slice! And you get a slice!
6. When it comes to celebrating with family, you get to avoid any conflict, courtesy of figuring out when you're going to meet the parents. Consider yourself lucky.
7. If you're still looking to decorate a tree for your place, ditch the traditional tinsel and gold star and go a little buck wild. It's not complete until it looks like Ke$ha threw up all over it.
8. You can skip out on doing traditional, vomit-inducing couples activities... like ice skating. Because who the fuck actually wants to go ice skating?
9. Interested in blowing your entire savings on Black Friday? It's time to treat. yo. self. The only person you should be concerned with getting expensive gifts for is YOU.
10. Using the rest of your vacation days to veg out on the couch? Totally cool. You have no one to impress, and if your heart is telling you to binge-watch every episode of "Chopped" in consecutive order, do it up.
11. Make the most of time visiting the parents. Raid their fridge, do your laundry and let them coddle you in every way possible.
12. Time spent sprawled out in a onesie (Disney inspired, or otherwise) is mandatory.
13. Don't neglect your dating apps. Sure, you're still embracing your "no fucks given" single lifestyle, but this time of year does bring out the warmth and good nature in most people. Get yourself on a good foot for 2017.
14. Start to develop a New Year's resolution that will better your own life, not worrying about what anyone else does or thinks.
15. Simply do what makes you happy, and no one else. Cause you're single as hell. And you're damn pleased with that.