8 Rules For Meeting His Parents For The First Time If You're Not Serious Yet
So, you've been dating the new guy for a month or two and things are going great.
The two of you seem to hit it off from the jump, and you've been physically inseparable since your first night (or should I say the morning after).
Between the incredible conversations, great physical chemistry and endless nights of FaceTime on the rare occasions when he retreats to that place called his apartment for clean clothes, life is good.
You finish his sentences and he knows what you need before you open your mouth.
Maybe he's the one, maybe he's not. But he's definitely a keeper through the holidays.
As you make his favorite breakfast, you start wondering where's he's been all of your life and why did he take so long to get here. As he snores away, fast asleep in your bed, it feels like you've been doing this forever (only you just met and he mentioned his middle name the other night but you honestly don't remember it).
He makes you tingle all over, and you blocked your ex-boyfriend just in case he decides to pop up in the middle of your happiness with an "I miss you (aka let's give it a try one more time for the 50th time)" text.
No matter how long you've been dating or how hard you fall for the person, everything is golden. That is, until it's time to meet his parents.
While some couples wait months (or even years) before mentioning the existence of a partner and potential soulmate, the new love of your life has decided it's time to bring you home before he takes you on that nice vacation you've been planning.
On one hand, direction is more important than speed. On the other hand, however, maybe you're not ready to commit your face to their memory.
Of course he makes you feel better than anything and he's definitely into you, but this is a huge leap into the very thread of his life.
If your love that feels like an old black-and-white movie suddenly feels too fresh to interact with the parental units, then this is the time to say so.
But if you feel willing and able to jump in and break bread, then go for it with a level head and prepare yourself for the typical questions (especially if he tells you his mom is overprotective and he's been engaged three times).
My best advice when it comes to meeting the people who shaped and molded your current reason for living is to tread lightly and talk about the weather. In other words, don't go too deep.
After all, you just met. You have so much more to learn about him, and more importantly, yourself.
Here are a few tips to live by when meeting your SO's parents for the very first time, especially if you're still getting to know them.
1. Keep it PG.
If you met them under any kind of circumstance you could never mention in church at your future wedding, then do yourself a favor and conjure up the most PG version for his parents.
If there's no way to clean up your story, then keep it short and simple my providing the name of your mutual friend who introduced you or the name of the place where you met. And then, change the subject as fast as you can.
Side note: Make sure your SO is on the same page and sticks to the story. Speaking of your story, make sure you go over the details with a Q&A segment that includes a crash course on the mental state of their parents prior to the big dinner.
Why? Because the number one woman in his life will definitely give you the side eye and silently question your morality (for the rest of your natural born life) about how you hooked up with her son after a party and he decided to keep you.
2. Speaking of love, leave your feelings out of it.
Are you prepared to hear, "But you just met him, how do you know that?" from their parents? Well, you should be.
Because if you can't handle that particular question, then you're better off waiting until you're better acquainted with them or at least a holiday or two has passed before you tell them you're madly in love with their son.
This is especially true if his mother shows any signs of being overly protective (which all mothers are, even if they don't appear to be at first).
3. Don't you dare spill the beans on any pending bae-cations.
If you haven't been dating your SO for a long time, your first encounter with your their parents should never include any details on your trip to Dubai next month. If he mentions it first, cool. If not, keep it quiet.
Why? Because the parental units, regardless of age, possess a totally different handbook on the game of dating and the right time to fly out.
Unless you're ready for, "Oh so you're going away with my son and you just met him" comments (which implies that the two of you have already slept together), stay clear of any conversations where trips or long-term relationship steps are involved (at least for now).
4. Stay as neutral as you can.
Maybe his mom wants to see him settled down, or maybe she desperately wants a grandchild to show off and compete on an upcoming Facebook episode of whose grandchild is the cutest.
But regardless of her intentions, if your perspective mother and father-in-law comes to you for your opinion on your boyfriend's annoying sneaker obsession or his partying habits, you are not allowed to agree with them. Furthermore, you are not allowed to disagree, either.
No matter what you say, they will go back to him and start the convo with, "Your girlfriend agreed with us." And who needs that kind of argument?
5. Stay out of the shade.
No comments on the ex. Unfortunately, you may be that unlucky soul who dates a great guy with judgmental parents who mention the pasts of their children to the new person.
Under no circumstances are you to fuel the fire with any opinion of the ex. Even if the entire family appears to hate his cheating ex-girlfriend he wouldn't get rid of, your only option is to acknowledge that you've heard all about the person and keep it short.
No comments on the ex.
6. No excessive drinking.
Some of us are talented enough to inhale an entire bottle of Taylor Port without blinking. If you happen to be one of these high-tolerance individuals, save it for later because your possible future mother-in-law will call all of her friends and tell them you drink too much.
Even if your liquid abilities allow you to drink the night away without a hangover or even a scratch, they will only focus on your attempt to down the whole bottle.
7. No matter what they say, take it and wear it.
Take any criticism with a smile, and more importantly, take control.
Maybe you're too thin (usually in comparison to their favorite ex-daughter-in-law), or maybe you're too "something" (insert imperfection here). In any case, you take it with a grain of salt and wear it proudly.
For all you know, this is a test to see if you can handle criticism.
If you're "too skinny" for his mom, you casually respond with a positive tone that you eat very healthy and you're just not gaining anything. Furthermore, make sure you smile and make sure you take control of any subject that makes you uncomfortable.
For all you know, this is a test to see if you can handle criticism.
8. As a new couple, keep the promises to a minimum.
Are you coming back for the family holiday party? Unless the party happens to be next weekend, the answer should float between checking with your mate and you'll definitely let them know.
Believe it or not, every couple (including the pairs that are seemingly meant to be), has the potential to crash and burn by putting too much pressure with obligations and expectations, too soon.
Every couple has the potential to crash and burn.
After all, you just endured a three-hour dinner with your SO's parents, and I'm pretty sure this encounter has either inspired you to keep the love going or take it down a notch.
In any case, every relationship has its share of highs and lows, complete with a honeymoon phase and a few dramatic episodes. So whether you're madly in love from first sight or trying this courtship out of boredom but you kind of like them, take it one day at a time.
At the end of the day, you should never feel afraid to say what you feel. Whether you've been dating for 10 years or 10 weeks, hiding your true feelings is by far the biggest mistake you can make.
Hidden feelings can put you in the most awkward positions. It could force you to lie for the sake of someone who has no idea you're uncomfortable, so if you're not ready to meet the parents, then make that perfectly clear.
If they truly respect you and plan to keep you around, then they'll understand.
And if they're insulted, then maybe they're not the one for you.