Going back to an ex is tricky business.
People who are truly meant to be together always find a way back to each other, right? Sort of.
There are also people who mistake love for dysfunction and think that all of their breakup-to-makeup business is cute. Full disclosure: It's not.
But it's happened to the best of us.
And then, there is a special population of us who feel like whole new liberated humans once we exit a toxic relationship. Getting a "miss you" text from ex-bae is like opening your eyes on a Monday morning and realizing you don't have to go to work.
Free, free, fuh-ree!!!
... But that doesn't mean ex-bae is.
If you're happy to be gone, or still going through that very necessary stage of missing your old boo thang, then this is how to tell he wants you back. And, why you should revel in the fact that you ain't going!
1. The ex drunk texts you.
Yep, ex-boo wants you back. It wasn't just a drunken night.
I'm a firm believer that everything done while on the alcohol is exactly what a person would do if they released their inhibitions while sober.
I'd say just delete it, but...
If he was an especially terrible partner and you're feeling really petty? Open up the text and leave your ex on "read." Nothing says "never again" like an opened yet unanswered drunk text.
2. The ex beefs with your new flame.
It's totally illogical, yet super common and definitely all ego.
He didn't know how to treat you right, and now that you've moved on, your ex directs his frustrations onto your next bae.
3. The ex frequently tells people you want him back when it's so not true.
Your ex just wants it to be true.
But when someone constantly brags about someone wanting him, 10 times out of 10 -- he is the one doing the wanting.
4. The ex unfollows you on social media—at random.
At the time of breakup, an unfollow is pretty normal. But once months have gone by and new baes have been acquired, unfollowing someone on social media is super petty.
Usually, the unfollow happens because he finds himself feeling a little salty about how well you're moving on and he can't stand to see it.
5. The ex lurks in your social media comments.
When a salty ex isn't deleting you from every platform imaginable because he just can't deal with your amazing life -- he's doing the opposite: totally obsessing.
And you'll know, because your ex will eventually slip up and "like" one of your comments or -- if he's as bold as Chris Brown -- he'll actually insert himself into the conversation.
You can block your new stalker or just keeping posting those popping ass selfies to kill 'em softly. He'll scram eventually.
6. The ex dates people who look like you.
But, when the person could literally steal your face, that's how you know your ex is simply trying to find a little bit of you in their next. It's whatever. Imitation is not replication.
But, you know why you really shouldn't give this type of ex the time of day? Anyone making these passive-aggressive moves has terrible communication skills and they don't know how to simply ask for what they want.
Instead of coming to you as a man or woman (or whatever gender terms they ascribe themselves) -- they choose to play games.
And that's probably why you guys didn't last in the first place.
Team Assertive 2017!