Jen Brister

Why Sexual Experimentation Is Always A Good Thing

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OK monosexuals, it's time to really ask yourself this question: Have you ever thought about experimenting?

Before you answer, I already know the answer: yes.

In case you don't know what a monosexual is, it's someone who is only attracted to one gender.

It doesn't matter if you're a one (completely heterosexual) or a six (completely homosexual) on the Kinsey scale, the majority of people would lying if the said they never thought about straying away from their concrete identity.

You can totally question your identity and still remain monosexual at the end of the day. Or, if you're like me, you'll experiment and then have no idea what your identity is.

Within the LGBTQ+ community, the largest portion of the community identifies as being bisexual, pansexual, etcetera. Basically, pretty much anything that's not exclusively same-sex attraction.

I came out of the closet at 16. I told my then-best friend in tears the first night I was able to admit it to myself, and then told the majority of my friends the next day. Ever since then (the past three years), I've been identifying as a lesbian.

But then the summer happened. I was intimate with a boy for the first time and then still continued hooking up with him months later.

Does this make me a no longer lesbian? Probably. Am I now going to identify myself as bisexual, or maybe the more ambiguous term "queer?" I don't know and I'm cool with that.

When I first hooked up with this friend I had more inner turmoil than I could have possibly imagined. I began to rethink everything. I hated myself and I branded myself as someone stepping back into the closet.

Am I straight now? No, I was in love twice in my life and both were with women.

I thought about what I would say to my other lesbian/gay friends. Would they hate me? Would they think I was a fraud? Would we still be friends even though I'm not as gay as I thought I was? Will everyone think I was “faking” it? Did I confirm that my gayness was really a phase?

No, just no, to all of those questions.

I really wish I had someone tell me this when I was going through my issues: Sexuality is fluid. There are endless possibilities about how sexual attraction can shift.

And quite frankly, if someone hates you because you discover new things about yourself, you don't need that person in your life.

Experimenting sexually helped me discover who I was. It forced me not to be rigid with anything. Being experimental in my personal life bled into being experimental in other aspects of my life as well.

I began striking up conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise. I began to try new things, new foods and new places because for the first time I was able to admit that I didn't know what I liked. I was willing to try new things out.

Sexual experimentation allows you to discover parts of yourself you would not have otherwise known about. I like my newly fluid self and I like that I'm not limiting myself in any shape or form. I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what I want right now, but most of us don't.

There's nothing wrong with being unsure. I went through the entire coming out process over the course of three years and I'm still here struggling with pinpointing my identity.

At 16 years old, I was confident in my lesbian-ness. Even now when I look back on it, I don't think it was a mistake or that I was misguided. At the time, that was the truth. I didn't experience any attraction to the opposite sex, but now I do.

Through all the craziness that was my summer, maybe I can simplify it to this: I like who I like. So, what else matters anyway?