Real talk: Sex is about as intimate as it gets. Private areas are no longer private. Body parts quite literally enter one another. You get to know your partner in a way that many of his closest friends will never know him.
It honestly hurts my brain a little bit to think about how strange (and awesome) this thing we do called sex is.
That said, some romps are definitely more connected and intimate than others. Five-margaritas-deep-spring-break sex has the je ne sais quoi that romantic-weekend-getaway-in-Paris sex simply doesn't.
Beyond just your geographic location, there are also particular sex positions that can help you and your lover connect more deeply in what is already a very intimate act. Licensed counselor and sex therapist Sarah Watson explains, "[The sex positions] vary for each couple. What makes you feel closer to your partner? Eye contact, massage? If it's eye contact, then any position that allows for constant eye contact."
That said, there are some positions that can help you get started. Here are three positions that'll bring you so much closer to your partner:
1. Face To Face
Whether you are lying belly-to-belly, on top in the classic cowgirl, or both sitting up with your legs over his lap, facing your partner means that you have no choice but to look at him. Assuming you think he's cute, this is a great way to take him in. He'll be taking you in at the same time.
Looking at your partner means seeing what makes him feel good and learning more about his body. We emote from our faces, and he'll be able to see what you are liking, too.
I'm not saying you need to wink every time something he does feels good, but when you are facing each other, it's easier to get into a rhythm together. Plus, kissing can happen more easily, and who doesn't love kissing?
Does the eye contact during such a inhibition-less moment scare you rather than turn you on? Sex is a vulnerable act, and looking at each other during it can be thrilling and can help you get closer. But if the eye contact is not your cup of tea, try facing each other in a way that's a bit more interesting than good ol' missionary.
Trying a new position means you are taking a leap together, and that's romantic as well.
2. Spoon City
Spoon: a great band, a great utensil (shout out ice cream), and a great shape to cuddle in.
The spoon is also a great shape to have sex in. As Watson mentions, not all couples love deep eye contact during a bedroom session. Maybe for you and your partner, massage or touching is actually more intimate than a pre-orgasm staring contest.
Spooning is great because there is so much room for him to massage your bod and show you how much he loves it. (There's no reason you can't reach a hand around to his bum to return the massage.)
Doggy style often feels good to both partners, but the lack of connection in the position means it gets a bad rap. Think of spooning as doggy's more intimate, available cousin. We love a good big spoon-little spoon cuddle because it's like a warm, fuzzy hug. So basically, this position is like a warm, fuzzy hug with penetration.
That's the scoop. I recommend you try it out.
3. A Position You Both Love
Is there a position you both love? If missionary is both of your favs, who cares how "boring" it is? It's special to you. The most intimate sex that you can have is going to be specific to your relationship and connection as two human beings in love (or lust, it's all good).
Watson explains, "If you desire to be closer to your partner, talk to them about what you enjoy in bed and then discuss what they enjoy in bed. This conversation will always bring you closer to your partner."
Plus, it's always hot to talk about sex.
Do you know if there's a position your partner particularly loves? Maybe he really likes stand up shower sex with a side of kinky handcuffs. Indulging your partner's fantasies is incredibly giving and romantic, and will undoubtedly bring you closer.
Watson says, "Ask for what you need and desire. This includes physically, emotionally, and what type of environment makes you both comfortable."
I know it seems cheesy, but finding a position that suits both of your needs is really the best way to get closer to your partner in the sheets. Don't stress about perfecting a position or being able to get your leg over your head, because the best way to connect with your partner during coitus is to try new things, make each others' wants and needs a priority, and simply do what feels good.
Maybe tonight, put your back into it with a nice little spoon sesh (penetration style) or if you're feeling more open, face each other and try that tantric, breathing-together sex.
Whatever version of whichever position you decide to try, have fun and relax. Vulnerability is the key to closeness.