He Still Needs To Respect You, Even If You Guys Are Just 'Hooking Up'


There's a difference between being in a real, bonafide relationship and just "hooking up" with someone. A lot of the time, that differentiating line can be a little blurry.

The difference can manifest itself in a lot of ways. It could be the fact that you and your hookup buddy are actually allowed to hook up with other people. Or maybe you and your hookup buddy never hang out sober. Or maybe you never text unless it's to meet up late at night. Or maybe the two of you are basically in a real bonafide relationship but are just avoiding calling it that at all costs.

Whatever you and your hookup buddy agree upon as your own particular differentiating factor is fine by me. But there's one difference that I just can't really stand behind. The differentiating factor between being in a relationship and just hooking up should NEVER be a difference in how much respect you get.

A lot of my friends seem to think the fact that you're just "hooking up" means it's OK for a guy to treat you like horse shit. I hear, "I mean, he doesn't owe me anything; we're just hooking up," way too often.

You always deserve to be treated as a human being with thoughts and feelings and a mom and a dad. Especially by someone who has the pleasure of regularly entering your naked body. Yeah, I know that was disgusting. But it's true!

This person is lucky enough to be sharing literally the most intimate possible experience with you on a regular basis. The least he can do is treat you like a person.

If what being treated like a person means is a little unclear to you, I made a pretty simple list of six baseline pillars of respect. Let me be clear: The guy you're seeing shouldn't just hit a few of these; he should hit all of them. All six.

You're not being high maintenance; you're just knowing your own self worth.

You don't need to hear about other girls.

I'm not saying you have to be exclusive and I'm also not even saying there necessarily are going to be other girls even if you're not exclusive. I'm just saying if they're there, you don't need to be hearing about it.

I don't care if he is hooking up with every girl in the continental US plus her mother. YOU DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

Odds are, you're both seeing other people. That's your business. No need to share. Literally what good is ever going to come from that conversation?

It's gross. It's rude. It's disrespectful.

Chivalry doesn't have to be dead.

Just because the two of you are hooking up doesn't mean he can't buy you a drink when you meet up, or maybe hold a door open for you every now and again. Maybe even a text asking if you made it home OK if he's feeling particularly Casanova-like.

You're not asking for a ring or anything. Just some common courtesy.

You deserve kindness.

This one is really important to me. THE GUY YOU ARE HOOKING UP WITH SHOULD NOT BE MEAN TO YOU.

Being "mean" includes but is not limited to: completely ignoring you while you speak, forcing you to do anything you don't want to do, making you feel bad about your body, being rude to your friends, making you feel stupid.

He can slap on a condom.

Just as he shouldn't be telling you about the other girls he may or may not be sleeping with, he should also be doing his best to make sure you aren't inadvertently touching genitals with these other fine young women.

You should be allowed to spend the night.

I'm not saying you need to be spooning all night long with endless pillow talk and back rubs, but sleeping over should be an option if you feel like it.

You should in no way, shape or form feel like you are being kicked out as soon as you are done boinking, like it was just some delivery he requested that's already served its purpose.

You deserve honesty.

You always deserve honesty. If you ask what's going on between the two of you, you deserve an honest answer. If you ask if you two have a future, you deserve an honest answer. If you ask if he's seeing other people, YOU DESERVE HONESTY (even if it means breaking my #1 rule).

He shouldn't be just telling you what you want to hear. He should be honest. You deserve that.

Does the guy you're currently seeing not hit all six of these markers? Don't worry about it! If you guys really are just having sex, I'm sure you can find someone else to fill his spot in no time.