"I can't wait to feel you," he said, grinning widely as he prepared to enter me, condomless.
I'd met him at a bar during a night out. He was handsome, cocky and Irish. Fresh out of a breakup and one-track minded, I told him I wanted to go home with him.
Things heated up quickly. A drunken makeout sesh turned into a contest to see who could fling their clothes off faster. We prepared to do the deed. And when I asked him to put a condom on, he grabbed one from the windowsill. But he didn't put it on.
He was holding it in his hand, and he didn't put it on.
All of a sudden, he thrust in, slowly, but determined.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said, staring at the condom he was now squeezing in the palm of his hand. "You have to put it on."
"Mmhm." He kept going.
I briefly considered reiterating my request, but I'm not going to lie to you: My vagina was steps ahead of my head. I was too damn wet to think logistics.
We had sex and fell asleep, and upon remembering the next morning what had gone down the night before, I couldn't help but feel the sharp sting of guilt. I should have been more careful.
I wish I could say what happened with Ireland was a one-off, but it wasn't. Another time with another guy, I told him to put a condom on, and he claimed he didn't have one. He was palpably exasperated when I made him take his sorry ass to the Duane Reade at 2 AM to buy Trojans.
Nearly every guy I've ever slept with has tried to f*ck me without putting a condom on first. This sh*t is a f*cking epidemic. And there are numbers to support this.
According to the New York Health Department, one in four Americans has an STD. That means 110 million people in the United States are carrying STDs that could be spread to others. And yet, for some reason, my generation thinks we're impervious to sexually transmitted infections.
News flash: We're not exceptions to the rule, the rule being that there's a pretty good chance you could get something from, or give something to, someone you have unprotected sex with.
So why are all the guys I meet totally willing to stick their raw dicks into anything with a pulse?
I realize I also made the choice to have unprotected sex. But why is being the whistleblower to the gateway of my vagina solely my responsibility? I already have to take birth control daily. Can't you pitch in on this one?
And for that matter, why isn't telling you to put on a condom once, even twice, enough? Why should I have to physically wrestle the condom onto your d*ck when I've already said "No" to unprotected sex?
When two people are drunk, and lines are blurred, both people need to be looking out for each other. Both people need to worry about the wellbeing of the other -- even if you’re strangers and there are no romantic feelings involved. That's just human decency.
As a sexually active, single woman, I’ve learned the hard way to always carry condoms in my purse. I have to, to protect myself from all the immoral, selfish and generally disgusting human beings out there.
So, to the men who think it's okay to f*ck without a condom on, I have some questions for you:
1. Do you understand how STIs work?
Did you skip health class in middle school? Did you just not listen? Or are you just that dumb? Or, worst of all, are you aware and just don't care?
I don't care if sex "feels better" for you without a condom. Your self-esteem must be pretty damn nonexistent if you aren’t concerned about contracting chlamydia, HPV, HIV...would you like me to go on?
2. How about pregnancy?
I guess you wouldn't care if I died, and I guess that's cool. But what if I were to get pregnant during our half-assed hump session, and three years later, there was a little you frolicking the Earth? Would you care then?
Most of my sexual partners don't even bother to ask if I'm on birth control. Instead, they make a point of explaining to me that they'll pull out.
Believe it or not, pulling out isn't exactly as effective as you think it is. And even if you do pull out, you aren't the one going home the next morning worried sick over whether or not you'll get your period that month.
3. Do you not give a flying f*ck about yourself?
It's understandable if you don't care much about me. Nine times out of 10, I've only just met you (because I'm single AF and the word "selfie" was just picking up wind the last time I had a boyfriend), so I don't expect you to be that concerned about my health.
But the fact that you are willing to put yourself at risk for any diseases I might have is absolutely beyond me. I know I may look "clean," but how the hell do you even know if I, or any girl you're f*cking, for that matter, actually is? None of you have even asked me if I've been recently tested for STDs.
Just in case anyone was wondering, I am STD-free (knock on wood), but let's be honest: You didn't know that.
4. Do you genuinely believe that the pleasure of five to 10 minutes of unprotected intercourse outweighs the possible lifetime of negative repercussions that could come?
I don't care how beautiful your dick is. I don’t care how horny we both are or how much you're capable of blowing my mind. Could any orgasm be ultimately more important than your health?
Because here's the thing: We can still have great sex, with protection. If I feel safe and relaxed because you're wearing a condom, it might be even better.
5. Are you just hoping I won’t speak up?
Maybe women in the past haven't, so you thought you could get away with endangering my body and my health while I lie there silent and still.
I admit, I've been the quiet girl before. See, sometimes, women are afraid to speak up for a number of reasons: because we're scared, because we have daddy issues, because we don't want to be a buzzkill to your long-awaited boner.
And maybe, it's unfair to take advantage of a woman's difficulty speaking up because some of us are still working on being able to do that.
And even when I do try to speak up, it's as if no one's listening. Why should I have to fight just to get you to be safe?
Luckily, these days, I think more highly of myself. And as much as I want to have great sex with you, if we're going to have intercourse, I'm going to tell you to find the nearest condom and put it on.
6. How many other girls are you f*cking completely raw?
If you're treating me this way, I don't even want to imagine how many other girls you've pulled this stunt with.
I feel sorry for them, I feel sorry for myself, and most of all, I feel sorry for you. Because you should know better. Way, way better.
Oh, and if you "can't stay hard" with a condom on? That's your problem, not mine.