How To Still Be Respectful When Telling A Hookup You Want To Keep It Casual
Earlier this year, I slept with this guy a couple of times (OK, I know I said I'm done having casual sex, but when you live in a fast-paced city, have an apartment all to yourself and get drunk regularly, it happens. OK? OK. Moving on.)
I'd like to disclaim I really don't care about this hookup at all. I don't care that he doesn't like me. I don't care that he's emotionally avoidant because he broke up with an ex recently. (I don't know why he didn't speak to me after our rendezvous, but that would be my best guess.) I wouldn't care if he wanted to change things up and go on a date tomorrow. That would be cool, too. I'm a pretty laid-back chick.
But you know what I'm not down with? Being disrespected.
When you're hooking up with a girl, there are ways to let her know you want to be casual with her without coming off as a idiot. Let us go through all the post-hookup steps you should take post-hookup to respectfully let your girl know you just want to be casual:
1. Stick around and chat. Maybe have some breakfast.
You can still talk to her if you want to keep things casual. Just don't take her out of the apartment or introduce her to your friends. Many times, we don't want to feel like we're having sex with a robot. We want to feel like we're having sex with an actual living, breathing human who has opinions.
Also, I said have some breakfast, not go to breakfast. Going to breakfast would make it a date. Having breakfast would just make you two humans doing nothing more than satisfying the primal need to eat.
2. Send your hookup a follow-up text.
This isn't an option. You have to send a "thank you for letting me stay over," a "I had fun the other night" or something of that nature. Get creative. It is downright rude not to acknowledge her existence after being inside her.
You get bonus points if you allude to a future meet-up. Example: "I had fun! Let's do it again, yo."
3. When you do, let her know it's OK to leave one or two things at your place.
Like a toothbrush, a pair of underwear or maybe some deodorant. Don't FREAK OUT. These are just the necessary things she needs to keep hooking up with you. You letting her keep some things at your place just makes it more convenient for her. (She is a girl, for Christ's sake. We need stuff in the morning to make us look pretty, OK?)
She isn't looking to marry you, and if you don't take initiative by letting her know it's all right to leave things at your place, you're just being presumptuous.
4. And then, text her again in a couple of days.
Do you want to keep having sex with her? Yes? OK, then don't act like you fell off the face of the damn Earth, you moron.
Otherwise, she'll go and find someone else, and then, if you come running back to her, she'll be confused AF and feel like she has to pick between you two. Or maybe, she just wanted you, but you disappeared on her and she found someone else and now she feels slutty for having more than one fuck buddy, so she's more likely to cut the cord with you.
Basically, you disappearing creates a slew of complications. So really, you're just hurting your own chances of getting with her again if you don't stay in touch. So act alive.
5. Keep just a couple of condoms in sight.
The key phrase here is "a couple." Please do not leave a ton of rubbers just lying out in plain sight. The last thing a girl wants when she's going down on you is to see a bunch of condoms and have to think about all of the other women you may or may not be banging.
I was once hooking up with this guy, and he had a used condom just sitting by his bed. (It was not used with me.) Yep. So if you do have a ton of condoms, please keep them in your closet or something. Cool.
6. Just say what you mean.
You don't have to beat around the bush, and you also don't have to be a jerk. Most likely, if a girl is spending her weekends in bed with you instead of being out with a guy who would take her to dinner, she probably isn't looking for something serious with you, either. So, why stay quiet about what you think your hookup could be or should be when you could just be honest?
Lay it all on her (politely). She'll respect you more, and when you tell her your intentions, she has the opportunity to either dip out or keep rolling around in the mud with you. It's just more comforting to hear it from you rather than not hearing it and sitting there trying to figure out what your deal is.