How Many Dates You Should Go On Before Sleeping With Someone, According To A Gay Man

by Sean Abrams

First, we have Andrew. He's 29, gay and curious about just how many dates are appropriate before initiating sex.

How many times should I go out with someone before making the move to sleep with them? Is there a rule I should be following, or does it differ based on the person?

Plain and simple, there is no real, scientific answer for a question like this. There's simply no limit as to how many dates you should go on before sleeping with that person.

I'm not going to gift you with a magic number or tell you there's a dating quota you must hit before ripping off someone's underwear with your teeth.

Your brain is probably telling you one thing, while your mother's voice in your head is probably telling you another.

Your brain is probably telling you one thing, while your mother's voice is probably telling you another.

What I'm telling you to do is direct and makes the most sense, though: Decide right then and there — while you're on your date — if sex should be on the table.

The best plan is to make that judgment call in the moment. If things are clicking really well with this person, you're a couple shots deep and there's a whole lot of touching, why would you want to cut off the mood?

The only thing you should be questioning is whether you go back to his place or bring him to yours.

I've tossed out the idea that sleeping with someone on the first date brands you a slut. And I also don't think sleeping with someone right away means your connection is a one-off type thing, and you'll never end up dating them for real.

So if you feel like sex isn't in the cards after date number one, but you're both still interested, then just allow that progression to build at its own pace. Patience is key.

Just hold on as long as you can.

Next up, we have Matthew. He's 24, gay and wants to know if there are telltale signs your partner is still using a dating app.

Because of Grindr, you can pretty much have a secret identity online. I can't tell you how many times I've heard of couples in which one person is secretly on Grindr. Do you think it's appropriate to go through someone's phone to check if they're on it? Are there telltale signs they still use Grindr?

I do agree that Grindr, which features hundreds of thousands of floating torsos, encourages this concept of anonymity and secrecy.

If you're looking to cheat, it's pretty much the perfect format. You can post whatever information you want, never disclosing something that may incriminate you down the road. And hooking up with strangers is basically encouraged.

If you suspect your partner is struggling to keep his dick in his pants, completely analyze the situation first before jumping to conclusions.

Just recently, I was aggressively swiping on the app, when I stumbled upon not only my best friend's boyfriend, but also my best friend.

My brain slowly began leaking out of my ears. Was World War III about to start?

Well, as it turns out, even if you remove the app from your phone, your profile still floats around in dating purgatory.

Clearly, this might cause problems, as I was about to lead a crusade against an innocent man for doing my best friend dirty. Don't do what I almost did.

Even if you remove the app from your phone, your profile still floats around in dating purgatory.

I'd say the telltale sign someone is probably still using Grindr is if their face is always glued to their phone, and they're incessantly checking notifications (unless they pay for Xtra to get those additional features, which is a goddamn travesty on its own).

My advice to you is to avoid beating around the bush, and just ask questions.

Who are they always messaging? Why do they take their phone with them wherever they go? Why does their mind always seem like it's elsewhere?

You shouldn't have to act like Scooby Doo and try to sneak a glimpse at his phone when he's dropping a deuce. If he's being a shady fuck, call him out on it.

There's no point in being with someone who doesn't value the concept of honesty.