Waiting To Have Sex Is Stupid, But I Need To Do It Anyway

by Arielle Lana LeJarde
Marija Savic

If I could just have sex with guys I like on the first date without having to worry if they'll text me back, I would.

But at my age and in our hookup culture, you never know if someone's only looking to have sex or if they want an actual relationship.

I'm one of those ~crazy~ people who ultimately does want a relationship. But I like sex, too — a lot.

I personally think that waiting to have sex because you think that someone will value you more as a potential significant other is stupid and sexist.

I can only speak from a woman's perspective, but there's a huge stigma on girls who sleep with guys too soon. Plenty of my girl friends tell me they wait to have sex with the guys they date so the guys like them because they had to earn it. (Read also: the chase.)

That's disgusting to me. My value isn't based on my body and sex isn't something you have to "earn" from me. It's an activity I do with someone else because we both consented to it.

Sex isn't something you earn.

After hearing the reasoning of my friends for why women should wait to have sex, I'm a little upset that women actually feel this way.

If a guy was only going to use me for sex anyway, it wouldn't matter if he had to wait one date or three months. He would still leave after sex. I actually know this from personal experience. I also know now that it's better to figure out that he just wants to get in my pants sooner rather than later.

A guy who thinks I'm worth LESS after HE put HIS dick in me is not somebody I would ever want to be with.

The guy I end up with will respect me, no matter what — even if we decided to have sex in a time frame that would be considered "too soon" by other people.

Now, this doesn't necessarily mean I just have sex with whoever I want, whenever I feel like it.

Sex is a touchy subject for me. I feel like everyone I've dated felt like I was good enough to bang, but never good enough to be a girlfriend. That's a huge blow to your self-esteem when you're trying SO HARD to build meaningful relationships.

I've already been through the one-night stand and friends-with-benefits stages, and I don't want to do it again. Having sex with feelings is a million times better than just a random guy who doesn't really care about you. Even if he is really hot.

Sex is such a great way to connect with someone physically. There's no way you to replace that kind of intimacy with another action. So even though it can be all fun and games, I just don't want that for myself anymore.

I want sex to be special; something I share with someone who cares about me in the same way I care about him.

I want sex to be something I share with someone who cares about me in the same way I care about him.

It's just confusing for me because when I start to like someone, I want to immediately have sex with him. The sexual tension is at an all-time high because we barely know each other and I can't control myself. I want it right then and there.

That's exactly why I know I have to wait to have sex.

I get so lost in the sauce after having sex for the first time with somebody that it's all I can think about. If there was one night that where a guy I was seeing didn't want to have sex with me (which hasn't happened yet, #humblebrag), I just know I would feel so offended and rejected.

I really shouldn't think this way. It's unfair to the guys I date if they should feel pressured into having sex with me just because my feelings would get hurt if he didn't.

This is why I need the relationship to mature a little bit before jumping in the sheets. I need to get to know the other person and how I feel about him other than when he's inside of me. I need to know he'll be there for me even when he's outside of me.

I need to know a guy will be there for me even when he's outside of me.

Of course, I'm not going to start waiting for months only to find out the guy I'm dating and I are not compatible in bed.

I just know I need to take a little more time to see the other ways we're compatible first. Do our goals match? Are we there for each other emotionally? Could there actually be a future? Just so I don't get caught up in desire alone.

I'm committed to finding the right guy, and if that means keeping the chastity belt for a while, then so be it.