I'm A Guy Who's Never Had A One-Night Stand, And I'm Not Sure If I Ever Want To

I've never had a one-night stand. To most of the population, this may come off as incredibly surprising because, well, I have a penis.

Guys are prone to having sex on the brain, always curbing their innate desire to stick their schlong in places they're not supposed to.

As a member of the male gender, I should be galavanting around, dick out and without a care in the world, right?

Apparently, I don't fall in line with that.

I'm also as gay as they come, and the gays are mega-horny. If you've ever found yourself at a gay bar — or Fire Island, perhaps — you know we like to bump and grind on each other if given the chance.

It's not always for the sheer sexual factor; we just like to dance, have fun and let loose. It doesn't always mean we're trying to fuck each other, but sometimes it does.

Now, I'm not against sex. I enjoy having sex a lot, probably just as much as the next person. But I've yet to wake up naked in a guy's bed, exhausted and without any idea of his name. It just hasn't happened.

My desire to have sex, even when I was fresh out of the closet and openly ready to meet men, usually comes from a place of genuine interest — and I usually don't get to that place quickly.

My desire to have sex, even when I was fresh out of the closet and openly ready to meet men, usually comes from a place of genuine interest — and I usually don't get to that place quickly.

Every time I've had sex, there's been something there — a feeling or a connection that's always made it more about just the sex for me.

And I need that visceral, emotional charge to get in bed with someone. I need that connection, that rush of passion, and I don't see occurring when it's a one-time thing.

I'm not judging anyone who has had one-night stands, but frankly, I don't know how you do it. I don't understand how you can meet someone, get fucked, think nothing of it and go about your day.

I see one-night stands as being too random and too sporadic for there to be this mutual interest. A one-night stand is purely about the sex, and there's always more on my mind than crawling into bed with you.

I didn't come out till I was 22, which, in my eyes, had me feeling like I was the guy who showed up an hour late to the party.

I would never label myself as shy, but I definitely felt a little apprehensive inserting myself into the gay community.

I didn't have many other gay friends to confide in or get advice from about sex or any other LGBT aspects of life, so I was sort of approaching all of this blind.

When it came to dating — or attempting to getting sexual with a guy — I followed the millennial way and allowed it to happen through the means of dating apps (mostly Tinder).

While I'm sure plenty of one-night stands have sprung from the social media app, I always got the "dinner and a movie" vibe from men I matched with, so that's where it went. If any of those dates drifted towards sex, it was after we've gotten to know each other.

Then, I would get attached, and that's where my downfall would be. I'd gotten to the know the person so well that I couldn't imagine not picking up the phone and conversing with them the following day.

These hookups wouldn't turn into full-blown relationships, but they'd last long enough that I would become seriously invested. 

However, I've been thinking about overcoming this fear. I've been wanting to rip the band-aid off and see what happens.

I'm only 25, and I've witnessed my friends experience one-night stands and come up for air completely unscathed. Inspired by their stories and the adrenaline rush they seem to repeatedly have, I decided that if they could have them, why couldn't I?

I'm only 25, and I've witnessed my friends experience one-night stands and come up for air completely unscathed. Inspired by their stories and the adrenaline rush they seem to repeatedly have, I decided that if they could have them, why couldn't I?

Plus, I wanted to stop jumping to such brash conclusions without actually experiencing it myself. Then, I'd make to a solid judgment call as to how to approach my sex life from that point on. You don't know what'll happen unless you experience it firsthand, right?

The first step in taking the plunge was downloading Grindr, the popular gay dating app known for the ease and accessibility of random hook-ups. I scoured the interface, swapping messages left and right with guys who wanted to do a lot of inappropriate things to me.

But nothing ever happened. I never took advantage of these interactions, of these men who had clear interests in me, to get over my Everest: the fear of having a one-night stand.

Maybe it's due to the fact that these conversations occurred weekdays, when I'd prefer to do nothing more than lay in bed watching "Survivor," smoking a packed bowl. Also, who needs to run off to have sex when I could easily get myself off and call it a day?

Now, I'm not going to say that I'm completely scrapping one-night stands off my to-do list.

A one-night stand seems like an American staple, or just a part of life everyone needs to experience at least once. To be honest, I want to have a one-night stand so, so badly. But I'm just not sure when I'll get to that point.

I think, one day (maybe after a few too many tequila shots), I'll just say, "Fuck it" and do it. I'll meet a guy, bring 'em home, have my way and let the chips fall as they may.

Sure, I may not like the eventual aftermath of how I feel after, but that's totally OK. I'm not glass; I won't shatter.

I'll just move on, and accept that one-night stands aren't for me.