Great sex is out there... somewhere...
... I think...
I'M KIDDING. It totally is, but it might take some work on your end to find it, queens!
There are loads of road bumps that keep us from hitting the big O (like the annoying statistics on how difficult it can be to orgasm, the constant societal pressure of living up to porn star standards or simply, whiskey dick).
But, the good news is lots of times, it just takes a little tweaking to correct the situation and send you sailing into sexual bliss.
Taking the initiative to control your sex life won't only liberate you from bad sex, but it'll boost your confidence and sex appeal across the board.
Here are a few ways to help you go from blah to ahhhh in the sheets.
Get to know your body on your own time.
What do I mean? Masturbating. Yeah.
Explore your own body and try touching new spots to see what hits you in the feel good zone.
Understanding what feels good and is a sure thing for you will help you out BIG TIME when it's the real deal with another human in the room. Being able to guide him in the right direction will make you both feel like a million dollars (physically and, like, ego wise).
Plus, a little TLC alone time is never, ever a bad thing.
Don't force anything.
If you aren't in the mood to have sex — even though you normally would be — don't worry about talking yourself into it. It's OK to just say "no thanks" or re-route the evening.
The pressure of having to get amped up after a great date or because the opportunity comes around only so often (due to roommates, etc.) is often a buzzkill or anxiety booster anyway. All it does is get you in your head — NOT in the bed.
Don't worry, there will always be more chances to give sex the ol' college try.
Identify any "bad sex patterns."
Are you predominantly having sex after you've been drinking? Do you always wait until it's the end of the day and everyone's exhausted? Do you find you let THEM decide when THEY want to have sex?
Something doesn't feel right? Speak up. Want something specific? Speak up. Have a cool, new, sexy idea? Speak up.
Fight the idea that faking it or remaining quiet keeps your guy from feeling embarrassed, because trust me, if you aren't into it, he's probably sweating out his performance, too.
Nothing bad ever comes from being honest or vocal with your sexual needs and wants. It only helps everyone get on the same page quicker.
And he'll thank you for taking the lead. Trust me.
Take time to experiment.
Sex ruts are real, especially if you find a position or move that always works. It can be easy to default to what you know.
But don't let yourself settle into a routine. Keep pushing the envelope into new spaces or experiences to see what else helps you both reach O-town.
Keeping yourself and your partner on your toes is bound to help you break new awesome sex ground and avoid that rut that I talked about earlier.
Ask around for advice.
It's likely that your other straight female friends have bumped into the same sex drama you have, and maybe they have some secrets or tips and tricks to divulge.
Don't be shy about talking to them about what they've found works for them. Crowdsource answers to big questions you have, like, "IS it possible to orgasm from vaginal intercourse? If so, HOW?!"
You know what they say: Never send one man to do the job of all the women in the world... or something like that.
Don't give up!
Amazing sex is out there! This I promise you.
It's just like baseball (I think??? Anyone here play baseball?): The more you practice, the more home runs you'll have.
Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.