10 Clues In Your Apartment That Prove You're Always DTF
Khloe Kardashian recently revealed she has a wine fridge inside her bedroom. She insists it's part of the ritual that makes her home feel inviting to any and all guests.
Like, all guests, if you know what I mean. Even special man guests.
Now, though not all of us ladies can be as bougie as Khloe K and afford a wine fridge just for our bedrooms, there are other measures we take to ensure our apartment always makes it look like we're DTF.
I don't know about you guys, but first and foremost, my apartment always has to be super clean otherwise I either don't invite a guy over, go to his place or just make him wait outside until I clean it (yup). No man wants to be in your home (and your bed) unless it's spotless.
I myself live in a bachelorette pad, or what I also refer to as my Seductress's Cave. There's a certain order my apartment has to be in for a man to enter.
Here are all the other apartment clues that you're DTF, always:
1. Candles are always lit.
You have candles lined all around your apartment. You have so many candles you make it look like you're prepared in the event of a power outage, but nah. They're just to give your home that seductive AF feel.
Not to mention candles always smell nice, so that's an added bonus.
I like to get creative with them. Personally, I'm a fan of different colored candles because they make for a nice aesthetic.
I also like seasonal candles; in fall, I'll buy some Pumpkin Spice candles (I know, I'm a basic bitch), then swap out basic pumpkin for Christmas and cinnamon (can I get a cinna-WIN?) in winter.
2. There are massage oils in your bathroom.
The keeping of massage oils is the true mark of a woman, IMO.
I've only recently started to collect them but I love everything about them: the way they feel on your skin, the pretty little bottles they come in and the way they turn regular old foreplay into a hot and steamy session.
I think massage oils were outdated for a while, but they're totally back in and you've got all different kinds. You hope when your guy whizzes that he'll see them and give you a nice little massage while you do nothing, before you two get into the other stuff.
3. You have a slow jamz playlist constantly playing.
Girl, you need to know some slow jamz (with a "z") like the back of your hand. If you don't have a playlist cued up and ready to go before he comes over, can you even say you're really trying to get him in the mood? The art of seduction begins with music.
Some slow jamz on my playlist are "Ride" by SoMo and "In The Waiting Line" by Zero 7. But when you're really in a pinch, you can just search "slow jams" on Spotify.
4. There are speakers and a subwoofer near your bed.
This is where you blast your slow jamz.
Friends, an iPad, laptop or phone isn't enough for your sex-related music needs. You know you need that music to project loudly and proudly. You've already prepared to not wake your neighbors with sex noises, just loud music.
Plus, it's just really impressive to have a legit set of speakers; guys love seeing you appreciate good music quality.
The guy you have over is going to want to feel the boom-boom of the bass through his veins as you two get down and dirty to your favorite songs. You know it'll really get him going.
5. Christmas lights are strung around your bed.
You have some rendition of lights strung around your bed. They give the bed a nice frame and make it look like the most desirable spot in the whole damn pad.
Oh, and if you don't, take a cue from this girl:
6. You have a shag rug.
I don't know why shag rugs are so sexy. One time, someone saw them in an Anthropologie catalog and decided they were crucial to making an apartment look seductive AF.
But anyway, they feel super soft under your feet and really make your home feel like a home, even if you just live in a crummy apartment.
Oh, and if you and you and your man get sick of the bed and move over to the floor, they feel super soft underneath your naked bodies, too.
7. You have a sex toys drawer in your nightstand.
You should always be packing condoms in that nightstand by your bed. Yay, protection!
But if you're like me, you have an entire sex shelf in your closet dedicated to all things fun and kinky: dildos, vibrators, lube. You name it, I got it. (Hey, I get this stuff sent to me for free, OK?)
8. You sleep with lavish, silky sheets.
We all don't have the luxury of being able to afford Egyptian cotton sheets (though I'm 99 percent sure one or more of the Kardashians have them).
But that's no problem. The price of them isn't really what matters. What does matter is the way they feel underneath, around, over and in-between your naked body.
I always imagine that after a long night of sex, I wake up wrapped in these sheets with nothing else on and crazed sex hair looking like a nymph goddess.
I usually just look like a troll, but anyway, the sheets add sex appeal.
9. There are long, dark curtains in front of your windows.
Your apartment is a sex cave. This is your secret little cave, shut off from the world, where you get to sexually express yourself as you wish. You and this man will be in it the whole night long, so it needs to feel as cozy and sexy as possible.
You're on that blackout curtain grind, something that will keep the light, noise and world out. (If you can score velvet ones, like these, that's even better.):
10. Your ~sensual~ perfumes are in plain sight.
You need to make a guy know you keep yourself smelling nice all the time, even though last week you low-key went two days without showering. I have my favorite three scents on my dresser drawer for the world to side, right next to my lipsticks.
I wear the first when I want to smell fruity and girly, the second for a more romantic, subtle-yet-mature smell and the third for a light and airy scent.
Make sure to stock up on those Pumpkin scents before they sell out. Besides, it's cuffing season, so you've definitely got to be ready because we're all on the hunt.